


Wings of a Phoenix

by vagrantBreath



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Biology, Body Dysphoria, Intersex, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Slow Burn, Team as Family, These boys are messes, Transformation, Trust Issues, as always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-01-22 05:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 34,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12474648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: Lotor wants to fight against his father... and Keith wants that too. Right? But what else does Lotor want?And why does Keith want to know that?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love my boys and they are complete and utter messes.

He almost died.

The thought remained in his head as Keith returned to the Castle. It wasn’t... it wasn’t really anything special, though. It was- he was acting as a Blade of Marmora agent. They died. And Paladins of Voltron also had to make their peace with the fact they might die in battle, right? So why did it stick in his head that he almost-

Keith swallowed hard as he landed. There were other things that he would have to worry about. He... he wasn’t the important thing here. Slowly, he unwrapped his hands from the controls and exited his craft. As he did, he looked around, seeing everyone waiting. Not for him, he knew. For their guest.

For...

The other craft landed, and Keith felt his blood boil at just the sight of it. But he remained where he was, waiting. Watching as Lotor exited and took his helmet off, staring at the rest of the group with his perfectly smug face that made Keith want to go over to him and punch him in his perfect nose. But instead, he stood there, watching as Shiro stepped forward towards him. “You wanted to talk,” Shiro said, his voice hard.

”Yes, I did, didn’t I.” Oh, how Keith wanted to smack him. He had been his enemy, and now he wanted to talk? And he was _smug_ about it? But as he moved, Keith could see his arms swing stiffly... like he had been in a fight? “As you know, my father has named me an enemy of the Galra empire.”

”We’ve heard something about that, yes.”

Lotor sighed, and Keith could see his facade crack... slightly. Something tired peeked through. Keith looked over at the others, seeing them not even flinch. Like they didn’t even see Lotor’s guard come down slightly. Well, it didn’t matter. Lotor was probably trying to play them. He turned his attention back to Lotor, noticing that Lotor’s gaze had settled on Keith for a moment. It turned away from him, back to Shiro, and Keith felt himself shaking as it did.

”If I were to return to the Galra empire, it would be my death,” Lotor told them simply. “And from my former position, I have much information about how the Galra empire is structured and the key locations to target.” Keith crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing at Lotor’s words. How could they trust him? “I understand it is hard to trust me-”

”Yeah, you think?” Lance asked, his voice sarcastic.

No one rebuked Lance.

Lotor turned his gaze on Lance, and Keith could see Lance’s shoulders tighten. “But you cannot deny the fact that I have saved all of your lives,” he told them. “And I do wish to fight against my father. You also wish to do the same. At the moment, our goals are as one.”

”I notice you didn’t say you’re on our side,” Keith said, his voice cold.

With a chuckle, he turned to Keith. “Little resistance fighter... I’m lending my aid. With my help, you will be able to defeat my father.”

”I’m a Paladin of Voltron,” Keith snapped out, watching Lotor hesitate, a flash of surprise cross his face. He saw Lotor’s gaze turn to the others, almost highlighting how Keith was standing away from the rest of the Paladins. “And I don’t think we should trust you. You’re just going to betray us once we’ve defeated Zarkon.”

”I do certainly hope that is not the case,” Lotor said quietly.

Shiro cleared his throat. “Anyway.” Lotor turned back to him as Shiro continued speaking. “We’ll talk about this later. _All_ of us will talk about this, from the Coalition. Coran will show you to a room in the meantime.”

Lotor nodded, and glanced over to Keith for a moment before leaving. And Keith swore he could see confusion playing on his face as he left, strange on his features. But once he was gone, Shiro turned to Keith, smiling. “It’s good to see you back,” he said warmly.

”Yeah.” Keith smiled back, the twist of lips feeling strange on his face. He felt... strange. Like he was both too big and too small for his skin. “I need to take a shower. These suits are worse than the Paladin suits, if you can believe it.”

Shiro laughed a little, his eyes gentle. “I can’t believe there is actually something worse.” But he clasped Keith’s shoulder, stepping aside. “Also, if you want to stay for dinner, Hunk’s cooking,” he said as Keith started past him.

”I’ll keep that in mind,” Keith said, smiling at him before leaving to go shower. He entered his room, slowly taking off his Blade of Marmora suit. It slithered to the floor, falling into a puddle by his feet as he entered the bathroom, his hand reached out to turn on the water-

And then he slapped his hand over his mouth as he tried so hard, so, _so_ hard not to scream.

He had nearly _died._

He had nearly killed himself to save the rest of them.

And fucking _Lotor_ had saved his life.

Keith screwed his eyes shut, breathing heavily as he pressed his hand tighter against his mouth, keeping the scream behind his teeth.

Once the urge faded, he turned the water on and started cleaning up, almost mechanically. But it was done. And he cleaned and went to get dressed - thank God his normal civvies were still there - he just... let himself stop thinking. Just get dressed, hang up his Blade of Marmora suit, get down to the dining room...

And when he got there, everyone else was there. They looked up at him, and smiled. Lance waved one hand, a fork in it, his mouth full of food. He looked around, but Lotor wasn’t there. It was just them. The Paladins and Coran.

And Keith smiled, hiding the scream behind his teeth.


	2. Chapter 2

Lotor remain along the edges of Voltron’s activities. Keith would turn, and there he would be, watching them, or talking to Shiro about something. Allura wouldn’t come within touching distance of him. The rest of them... He could see Lance wanting to be friendly, but Lotor shut him down almost immediately.

And all of that just... put Keith on edge. He just wanted to shake Lotor. Ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing here. Maybe he was an enemy of the Galra empire. Maybe that was true. But that didn’t mean that he was a friend of Voltron. The enemy of his enemy wasn’t necessarily his friend. But... at the same time, Lotor wasn’t _doing_ anything. He was just... there.

Something told Keith he should go back out with the Blade of Marmora. They needed him. He was a good pilot, and very quick on his feet. He could do that. But at the same time, he didn’t want to leave Lotor alone. It was stupid - the others could take care of him easily if he got out of hand - but he wanted to stay in case Lotor pulled something on them. And he knew he would. He knew Lotor would betray them. He just... It was Lotor! He was Galra!

A small voice in his head told him so was he, and so was the entire Blade of Marmora. But he ignored it. They weren’t part of the Galra empire. Lotor was Zarkon’s heir. They weren’t.

”You don’t trust him either, huh.” Lance came up beside Keith, his arms crossed. “He’s not doing anything and it’s just... eerie. It’s like he’s playing along with our rules.”

Keith nodded. “I don’t think we should let him meet with the rest of the Coalition,” he told him. “Who knows what he has planned. He might want to get in the middle of it and blow himself up, killing all the important people there.”

Lance winced. “That doesn’t really hold true to what we know of Lotor so far,” he reminded Keith, making him grit his teeth. “I’d believe he’d want to gather intel on who’s there so he can use it against us later.”

That made Keith look over at Lotor again, narrowing his eyes. That was true. Lotor barely came after them head-on. Most of the time, it was Keith running after Lotor. Keith clenched his fists as he realized how true that was, how he had left his duties as the head of Voltron to hunt down Lotor. And now Lotor was right here, right in front of them and Shiro-

Shiro was the head of Voltron again.

Keith had left Voltron for no reason.

Slowly, he walked away from Lance, the thought bouncing in his head. He had left Voltron. He had abandoned his duties to run after Lotor, to bring him down since he was the head of the Galra empire and if he brought down Lotor, then the Galra empire was one step closer to being dismantled. And then Lotor just showed up, saved his ass, and declared he wanted to help them. Yeah, he was now an enemy of the Galra state and anyone of the Galra empire would kill him. But it just- Keith flexed his hands, grinding his teeth.

”You will be giving yourself a headache like that, Paladin.”

And now the reason he was so frustrated. Keith spun, glaring at Lotor. “Did I ask for your opinion?”

”It is less opinion and more fact,” Lotor told him. “Unless your body is different than a Galra’s. But most bodies tend to create pain when they hold so much tension.”

”And what, you’re worried about me?” Keith asked, his voice disbelieving. “You’re really worried that I’m going to be in pain? Why are you so worried? What’s it to you?”

”I recognize the suit you were in when we met. While I am still a little surprised a Paladin of Voltron can also be part of the resistance... I am aware that resistance movement is made up of nothing but Galra fighters.”

Keith’s heart started pounding. No one outside Voltron and the Blade of Marmora knew. “And?”

”You do not look Galra.” Lotor looked him over, then sighed, his face breaking for a moment to show something deeper. “I suppose, perhaps, I am eternally seeking more like myself. I may even see it when it does not exist, however...” Lotor looked down at him, meeting his eyes. “I believe I am not wrong when I say you are indeed Galra.”

That caused Keith to suddenly inhale. There was so much there, and Keith didn’t know where to start. But instead of staying, waiting for him to answer, Lotor only left. Keith watched him leave for what he hoped was his room, his heart pounding in his chest.

Could- was- No. Lotor couldn’t be saying he wasn’t fully Galra. And he wasn’t saying he _wanted_ to be friends with-

He could see Shiro coming to him, probably to talk about what Lotor had to say to him. Before he could, Keith ripped himself away from the group, almost running for the hall. He had to be out here. He had to be away from it all. After that, after what Lotor said- damn it. If Lotor was just gathering intel, he knew something big. Something that might pull the Coalition apart. They didn’t know Keith was part Galra. If they knew the Paladins of Voltron had a Galra member... they barely tolerated the Blade of Marmora. That might be a breaking point. All Lotor had to do was say that, and everything would break apart.

He couldn’t let Lotor meet with the Coalition. He had to stop him.

But when he found Lotor...

He was sitting in the middle of the hallway, leaning against the wall head tilted back, his eyes closed. Keith watched, his throat tightening as he saw Lotor’s arms shake, and his eyes clench tighter. But he didn’t cry, even though his eyes were wet when he finally opened them again, looking up at the ceiling. Keith turned to leave, but the whisper of sound made Lotor turn to look at him. Lotor only let out a silent laugh as he stood, and Keith could see the arrogance slam back down on his demeanor as he left.

And Keith...

Swallowed hard.

What had he just seen?


	3. Chapter 3

It’d be rude to kill a guest on the ship, Keith told himself, fingering the hilt to his ceremonial blade as he watched Lotor from the sidelines. Which is why he was going to kill him when Lotor was off the ship, before the Coalition convened and he could spill any of his poison into their ears. It was for the greater good.

The thought stuck in his throat, sour. The greater good. He- Shit. That was cold blooded murder. He was just going to stick a sword into Lotor without giving Lotor a chance to fight back. Keith swallowed hard. The Blade of Marmora would do this, he tried telling himself. They would take out a threat before it had a chance to hurt anyone. Hell, they would have killed him already, be damned politeness.

So he should do it. He should hunt down Lotor right now and stab him. Kill him.

... he wasn’t a murderer, though! Even during missions, he didn’t try to kill any Galra. He didn’t want to kill anyone. Just... get away. He didn’t kill. He wasn’t... he didn’t kill.

Not to mention Lotor’s words came back to him again. The talk that he knew Keith was part Galra... and the hint that Lotor himself may not be fully Galra himself. That Lotor was reaching out to Keith based on their shared genetic history of their genes not fully being Galra. Keith shook his head. It wouldn’t matter. Lotor was a threat. It didn’t... it didn’t matter if Lotor wasn’t fully Galra.

It didn’t-

It _couldn’t_ matter. He had to not let it matter. If he wanted to take down the Galra empire, to take down Zarkon, he had to-

Keith could almost hear his thoughts screech here. Wouldn’t breaking up the Coalition help Zarkon? The Galra that had pretty much just say “kill my son no matter what”? Why would Lotor want to help him? Wouldn’t he want to help the Coalition as much as possible so they took down his father?

Damn it. He screwed his eyes shut as the Castle landed. He would have a chance between now and the Coalition meeting for him to act. The safe thing to do would be to kill Lotor and dispose of the body, like one of the Blade of Marmora would do. Like... like he would have to do, since he was a Blade of Marmora. He was one of them. He would have to act like it.

Keith took a deep breath, fading back into the background. One of the good things about giving up on Voltron, he thought cynically. He could do things like this now. He could become part of the shadows, waiting for his chance. Keith watched Lotor, steeling himself. Lotor was poison. He was- he was-

Closing his eyes, looking so sad. As if he thought it was okay to be sad right now because he thought no one was looking at him. As if some thought occurred to him, and it hit him hard.

That was why he had to kill him, Keith tried to reason with himself. Lotor was thinking how sad it would have to be to break this up. He was thinking-

When the others started to move, Lotor didn’t take a step at first. Instead, he pressed a hand to his shoulder-

Keith narrowed his eyes as Lotor started walking, his heart pounding at the sight. Lotor looked like he was still in pain. That- that he had-

He barely noticed when the window to pull Lotor aside and kill him had passed.

  


* * *

  


Lotor hadn’t fucked up the Coalition yet.

Keith stood off to one side as Lotor spoke to several leaders, his skin crawling as he heard Lotor’s smooth voice twisting words easily and deceptively. And when he looked over at the rest of the Paladins, he knew he wasn’t the only one. Pidge was grinding her teeth while watching Lotor, and he could see her Bayard in her hand. He wished he could be in his Blade of Marmora outfit instead of his Paladin uniform - it let him move more freely - but this was good too. It let Lotor know a _Paladin_ was watching him. Keith was a Paladin of Voltron and he wasn’t going to be fooled by any of his crap.

But when Lotor’s eyes caught his-

Keith’s heart ran into his throat, slamming into the walls as Lotor spoke to an Olkari, breaking away from him and walking over to Keith. “You look as if I killed your cat,” he said mildly, crossing his arms.

”Our first interaction was you attacking us as Emperor Pro Tem,” Keith shot back, his voice acidic. “I’m not exactly up for trusting you right about now.”

”Ah, that.” Lotor uncrossed one arm, raising the hand as he shook his head. “I merely had to test what the legendary Voltron was made of. I had no interest in engaging you on a regular basis. I had- other interests in mind.”

”Like using us to get that comet,” Keith shot back.

”It fit into my plans, yes.” He hesitated for a moment, and Keith swore he could see a haunted look cross his face. A look of someone that had nearly gotten something precious, and had been taken from him.

For a moment... Lotor looked _young_.

”Stop doing that.” Keith almost did recognize his voice with how it snapped out, low and hard. “Stop looking vulnerable.”

”I assure you, I am not doing it on purpose,” Lotor murmured, his voice heated but pitched low to keep it between them. “Vulnerability is a weakness in the Galra empire. It is death. I would not think but the same here among the Coalition given my Galra heritage.”

”Then why are you doing it?” Keith asked, his voice a near snarl.

”Because, little resistance fighter Paladin, betrayal and failure do not sit well with me.” Lotor paused for a moment, and Keith could see his breath hitching slightly. “They do not sit well with me at all,” he finally said, finally uncrossing his arms. “And I do not speak of the Galra empire, little one, when I speak of betrayal.” With those words, he walked past Keith to another Coalition leader, his mask back in place as the leader proceeded to skewer him with harsh looks and harsher words, deflecting them harmlessly.

And Keith swallowed, something in his chest aching as he realized Lotor had been wearing that mask the entire time, and only Keith had seen behind it so far.


	4. Chapter 4

Maybe Lotor wasn’t trying to destroy the Coalition. Maybe he wanted to help them.

Keith pulled on his Blade of Marmora suit, feeling something crawl in his throat as he did so. Lotor was hiding something, though. He almost outright told them when he met them after rescuing them. Their goals were the same. But he never said that he had joined their side. That meant he was using them and he-

Damn it. Keith screwed his eyes closed, sealing his suit shut. His mind just would not let that go. He wanted Lotor to be the bad guy so badly. He wanted... Keith opened his eyes as he pulled the hood up over his head, looking at his door. Lotor had made such a fool out of him when he first started flying the Black Lion. The first time he flew the Black Lion, actually. And now he was here, smiling easily, hiding some sort of pain that only Keith could see.

It made him wonder what Lotor saw when he looked at him.

Enough of that. He had to go out on a mission with the Blade of Marmora. His duties for them didn’t end just because Lotor decided to play nice. But... he stopped at the door, his heart pounding. He was also a Paladin of Voltron, and he had been told he was shirking his duties by going on missions with the Blade of Marmora. Yeah, Shiro was back piloting the Black Lion, but he- And Lance was piloting Red, but he-

Keith took a shuddering breath, having to suddenly grip the door as it hit him. He hadn’t examined the thought very closely, but it was there. He had left Voltron. He hadn’t just taken a vacation or something. No, with this, he _left._ He couldn’t push Shiro out of the Black Lion, and he couldn’t boot Lance out of the Red Lion. Because of what he did, he didn’t have a Lion.

Because of what he did, he wasn’t actually a Paladin anymore.

He had been lying this entire time when he said he was a Paladin.

And then, for some reason, his heart started pounding and he felt dizzy, anticipatory, resigned, and his vision replaced briefly with flashes of unfamiliar controls-

Keith gasped, his head shooting up. He turned around, hand near his blade as he searched his room, expecting to see someone. Or something. But when there wasn’t-

Bathroom.

He barely made it in time, head hanging over the toilet as bile rose up his throat.

When he was done, Keith made his way out of his room, heading down to meet with the others. He didn’t see Lotor the entire trip down, good. But the first person he met on the way was Shiro, and boy Shiro did not look happy to see him in his Blade of Marmora outfit. “Keith,” Shiro started, his voice disappointed. “We’re going to need you more than ever. You can’t keep running off to the Blade of Marmora. It’s affecting your Paladin duties.”

”What Paladin duties, Shiro?” Keith shot back. “What Paladin duties do I have that aren’t covered by you, which is how it should be, or by Lance?” Keith shook his head. “Lance is even doing better at being a Red Paladin than I am. He’s more patient. He has all these things you’ve been trying to tell me. I’m better at being a Blade of Marmora.”

_I’m not a Paladin anymore._

Shiro started to inhale, to rebuke his words, when Keith pushed past him. He had others to tell he was leaving, after all.

Actually, why would he want to tell them? Shiro knew now. He’d tell them. He didn’t need Lance- fuck. No. He didn’t need _Allura_ telling him anything. He just needed to go out there and save the universe. _His_ way.

What was it he had said when he got the Black Lion? If he was to lead, he was how he was going to lead, or something like that? Well, if he was going to save the universe, this was how he was going to do it.

But on his way, he actually saw... Lotor.

And this time, he knew Lotor had been waiting for him. Keith sighed, rolling his eyes. “What do you want?”

”I merely wished to speak to you,” Lotor said after a moment, taking in his outfit. “You straddle two worlds, the resistance and the Paladins of Voltron... and I do not remember there being a sixth Lion when testing Voltron’s strength.”

”I don’t have to answer this,” Keith snapped at him.

”Perhaps not.” This time, Keith watched the mask slip, Lotor try to keep it up, then purposely lower it to show what lie beneath. And what did... Keith didn’t know how someone could look so old and young at the same time. “I don’t quite trust the Alteans,” Lotor said abruptly. “But I do need some help. In my escape, I had to dislocate my joints, and I fear many of them haven’t been properly popped back into place. Do you have a location where I can scan my arms and shoulders?”

Dislocate- Keith suddenly remembered how painfully his arms moved, and how he rubbed his shoulder. “Why don’t you ask Shiro?” Keith asked, his voice almost dull. “He’ll make sure Allura and Coran don’t pull anything funny on you.”

”Shiro is of Earth, of fully human descent. You, much like I, are not.”

”You’re not human at all,” Keith pointed out sharply.

”Perhaps not. But my mother was not Galra.”

Keith closed his eyes. “And this is where you point out that one of my parents wasn’t human, right?”

Lotor didn’t answer at first, and Keith opened his eyes to see him looking slightly away, his gaze distant. “I only ask you assist me with a health related issue,” he finally said, bringing his attention back to Keith.

Keith suddenly realized Lotor was leaving something unspoken between them about what he was saying about not being fully Galra, and about Shiro, but he couldn’t tell what it was. And he didn’t know if he wanted to know. He looked up at Lotor for a moment, then said, “You saved my life. Why?”

”I saved many lives that day.” Lotor closed his eyes, then opened them. “I suppose part for revenge, part for penitence.”

_But you saved my life,_ Keith thought. _You stopped me from-_

”Fine,” he said aloud. “Med bay’s this way.”

The Blade of Marmora could wait a little longer while he took care of this exiled prince.


	5. Chapter 5

The first time Keith put off a mission for the Blade of Marmora, he told himself watching Lotor took priority. He had to make sure he wasn’t going to pull anything. Even though he knew the others could take care of themselves - they were Paladins of Voltron, after all, and Coran wasn’t a slouch himself - he still wanted to make sure personally that Lotor wasn’t going to kill them or something. He felt stupid as Lotor only continued to meet with the Coalition, and seemed to pull further and further away from Voltron as he did so.

He couldn’t justify the other times he put off missions to ensure Lotor was going to play nice. Because he was playing nice. They were building sound plans off of his knowledge. The Blade of Marmora were successful because of him. But... it rankled when Lotor didn’t ask for anything in return. Keith knew something was coming. Lotor wasn’t on their side. He knew he wasn’t!

But no one else seemed to know that. Hell, even _Lance_ was starting to get along with Lotor. He had tried asking the exiled prince about his hair care routine, to which Lotor had looked at him blankly. It was a little amusing, and Keith let himself smile at Lance trying to bond with Lotor.

When he went to go practice, though, and Lotor was already there, sword in hand, those long white locks flowing, not even sweating (did Galra sweat? Or- did the mix of Galra and whatever else he was sweat?). And Keith had his bayard in his hand without thinking, swinging at Lotor as the bot fell before Lotor’s sword.

As predicted, Lotor turned in time, meeting Keith’s blow easily. Their eyes met, and Keith suddenly realized Lotor had an iris and pupil. It wasn’t pure yellow like other Galra. Well, it wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed before. But- now, it took his attention, forced him to look up into Lotor’s face and see all the little parts of him that weren’t Galra. He could see echoes of Zarkon in Lotor’s face, but there was something so very not _Galra_ there that softened and smoothed the lines. Something “other.” And by the way Lotor’s eyes widened ever so slightly, he could tell Lotor saw something similar in him. Keith snarled, pushing him away so he could strike again.

Lotor didn’t play with him like a cat would with a mouse. Keith could tell he was far more experienced, but he could also tell Lotor was... not playing. Testing, maybe. When they broke apart, Keith could see an interest in his eyes. Almost a calculation, something that set his teeth on edge. And then...

An exhausted look. Lotor lowered his sword, and Keith did the same, confused. “What’s wrong?” Keith asked without thinking.

”You’re very rough around the edges, but you are very skilled,” Lotor told him, his voice dull. “With a little polish, once upon a time, I would have asked for you to join my generals. You have a... an ability about you, a skill with your blade that I haven’t seen the likes of. It’s a mix of the brutal nature of the Galra with what you’ve learned as a Paladin of Voltron... perhaps also with a dash of what the resistance fighters have taught you. You would be a powerful force to go up against in my army.”

”And it all changed when you were exiled,” Keith said, almost probing at this point. Wanting to know more.

Lotor laughed, the noise abrupt and humorless. “Yes. That was one thing that changed when my father called for my head.”

Keith furrowed his brow. That was really weird phrasing. He opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. “Okay then. So you’re not going to ask me to join you anymore because of that.” Keith blinked a few times, inhaling sharply. “Because your generals betrayed you.”

Lotor pulled himself up taller, staring down at him.

It made sense, though. Lotor had said he had been betrayed, and not by the Galra empire. And he hadn’t arrived with his generals. They had betrayed him. People he trusted turned on him.

And now he was with Voltron... did he even trust Voltron? Did he sleep with his back to the wall, sword in hand? Afraid that he was about to be betrayed by the ones he ran to, afraid Voltron would just see him as another Galra and put him out of his misery? Did he have to tell himself that they would do that because they saw themselves as the good guys? Or- that because Keith was Galra, they wouldn’t hurt Lotor? It would be hypocritical to hurt one Galra that came to them, offering aid, when another Galra already worked with them? When they already worked with other Galra, the Blade of Marmora?

Keith was reaching out to Lotor before he realized it, his free hand grasping Lotor’s forearm. Lotor looked down at him, surprise writ in his face before he looked over at Keith’s hand.

But he didn’t remove it.

Instead, he covered Keith’s hand with his own, and closed his eyes.

”You aren’t going to ask me to be a general because you’re afraid I’ll betray you too,” Keith said, his voice barely louder than a breath.

Lotor’s hand tightened on Keith’s. “Voltron will betray me eventually, won’t it? Or something I say will not be what you want to hear.” Slowly, Lotor opened his eyes, looking at Keith. “I have my own hopes and dreams,” he said, his own voice just as quiet. “And I also wish to fulfill them. They’re not so grandiose as to subjugate an entire universe to my will. I have... a very simple dream, and I fear it may be one Voltron may try to stop.”

”And what is it?”

Lotor’s lips tilted. “You are still a Paladin of Voltron. If I were to tell you, you could return to your leader to tell him of my plans. No... I will keep this to myself. If this dream goes against Voltron’s wishes... I would rather this be found out when I am not a guest of Voltron’s.”

”Lotor...”

He squeezed his hand, then dropped it, stepping away from Keith. “My offer of aid against my father is a true one. I do not plan on sabotaging that. If you require my aid as a fighter, I will gladly give it. It is simply what happens after that I am waiting for.”

”If we know what it is, we can help you. We might even be able to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt us.” A part of Keith asked himself what the fuck he was doing. Why he was saying this to Lotor. Why he was offering this. But he couldn’t stop himself. Lotor just... He was seeing behind the arrogance. Behind the deflection. He was seeing Lotor be Lotor, and hear what happened to him. And it just- it touched a part of him. The part of him that came back to the Castle and saw the entire team turn to him, disappointment in their faces. The part of him that pushed away Voltron slowly but surely, put up walls between him and them because he didn’t want to be hurt, he was so tired of being hurt, he-

And when Lotor looked down at him, somehow, Keith felt like he could see that too.

Instead of saying anything, Lotor started to leave. Then he stopped, turning back to Keith. “I would like for us to spar again. You took me off guard a few times.”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. I mean... yeah.”

When Lotor left, Keith looked at his hand. The one Lotor had held.

Then, he held it to his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

Lotor was going to leave them at some point. Keith knew that. At some point, Lotor was going to leave them to follow whatever dream he wouldn’t tell Keith about, and maybe they would have to go after Lotor to stop him-

No. Keith went to his bathroom and splashed water on his face. He was going to figure out what Lotor wanted. Before Lotor left. That way he could stop Lotor before anything happened. Maybe change his mind. Maybe... maybe see if what he wanted could happen without anything bad happening.

Because if Keith really wanted to admit it, after what he learned, he had started to think of Lotor a little differently. Zarkon wanted to kill Lotor, well, okay. Family feud. A little extreme of one, turning his son into a criminal, but hey. It didn’t matter to Keith. But... but it took on a new light when Lotor didn’t deny that his own generals had turned on him. The idea that Voltron will turn on him while he would be helping them. The idea that _Keith_ would turn on him if he... if he were to join him.

Keith grabbed a towel, wiping the water off his face and staring at his reflection in the mirror. Of all the things he would consider, he never thought he was going to consider talking to Lotor and... well, helping him. Actually wanting to help him out with what he wanted to do. Within reason. Help him within reason, in a way that he would stop looking so sad but wouldn’t fuck over everyone else.

It could be done... right?

Yeah. It could be. Keith started down the hall towards Lotor’s room and knocked on the door. “Hey. It’s me, Keith.” When Lotor didn’t answer, he knocked again. “Hey. Lotor?”

No answer. Maybe down in the training room again? Or maybe talking to Shiro and Allura, going over plans? He had been... distressingly good help, and they had put at least one of the plans they came up with using his aid into motion. It went incredibly well. So maybe he was talking to them, giving more advice?

But when his door finally opened, Keith bit back a gasp. Lotor was in bed clothing, so he had obviously been asleep. But he looked...

His eyes were wild, unfocused. Keith could see one hand gripping the doorframe, tight enough the purple was bleeding to white. And Lotor’s hair, the soft, perfect hair... was a frantic cloud around his head.

He looked...

_Afraid._

But suddenly, his eyes focused on Keith, and his entire body collapsed in on itself, falling onto the floor. Keith caught him without thinking, easing him down. “What happened?” Keith asked him, his voice worried as he continued to hold onto Lotor’s arm while Lotor pulled himself into a sitting position. “Are you okay? Are you sick?”

Lotor coughed, the noise almost sounding like a laugh. “No, I- I merely dreamt wrong. You woke me before I could shake it.”

”You dreamt- you had a bad dream?”

”It’s not quite the same as a simple nightmare,” Lotor said sharply. “Do not insult me in saying I cannot manage simple nightmares. No, it was... different than that.”

That made no sense.

Lotor sighed. “Do not worry about it.” He started to pull his arm free, and Keith hesitated in letting him do so. He didn’t... he was worried about what Lotor meant about dreaming wrong. Lotor raised an eyebrow when he couldn’t pull his arm free as easily as he thought he could, looking at Keith. “You worry about me.”

”What did you mean, you dreamt wrong?”

”It was... perhaps a memory. Feelings. Nothing you should worry about.”

”You looked scared,” Keith told him, his voice insistent. “I don’t know what you’ll do when you’re scared.”

”Thinking you’d have to put me down?” Lotor asked, no bite behind the words. “That I am mad and you will have to put me down once it breaks free from this mask?”

”I don’t think the question is if you’re insane,” Keith told him quietly. “We know you can be dangerous, and you can be dangerous to us. But I-” Keith swallowed. He didn’t know where he was going with this. He wanted to know if Lotor was going to be dangerous to them if he was afraid during one of these dreams, right? He- “I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Lotor’s eyebrows shot into his hairline.

”What did you mean, Lotor?”

For a moment, Lotor was quiet. Then- “It is not easy to escape the Galra empire. When my father calls for someone’s death, his people will do whatever they are told to do in order to execute the order. As a result, in order to escape...” Lotor chuckled. “One may have to fly into a sun, for example.”

Keith’s blood froze in his veins. “Fly-”

”I put faith into my ship that I would escape,” Lotor said, almost blithely ignoring what he had just said. “And that any the Galra empire would send after me would perish trying to fly so close to the sun as I did. As we can see, that is the sort of insane gamble one must pull off to escape the Galra empire.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and Keith felt him shudder. “And so I dreamt wrong. I dreamt wrong of that moment, flying close to the sun, escaping certain death by flirting with another certain death. That is all.”

”That is all?!” Keith’s jaw dropped. “Lotor, you almost _died_! That’s not nothing! And when I came to the door you didn’t know where you were at all.” He gestured with his free hand. “And now this? This isn’t good, Lotor.”

Lotor’s lips curled into a small smile, and Keith couldn’t tell what the emotion was behind it. “I’m surprised you, of all people, would care about me. You’ve been rather hostile towards me from the beginning, and have remained so longer than the rest.”

Keith swallowed. “When you called us out and I fought against you in the Black Lion, I guess- it just left a bad taste in my mouth. And the comet. And the teludav lens.”

Instead of answering, either with a comment that would send Keith’s teeth on edge or one that would open him up more to Keith, Lotor fell silent. Keith stared at him, waiting, only to watch Lotor shake his head. “They all were part of my dreams,” he finally said, softly. “The comet. The teludav lens. But that part of my dreams no longer matter. I’ve attempted those avenues, and they do not work. And you... were the Black Paladin I fought against? Not Shiro?”

”Yeah. It was me.”

Lotor smiled again, ever so slightly. “You were terrible.”

”It was my first time flying the Black Lion,” Keith retorted. “I normally fly Red.”

”Perhaps you Paladins should stick with flying your primary Lions,” Lotor told him, reaching out with his free hand to cup Keith’s cheek. “You might have a better chance against my father if you do that.”

Keith didn’t answer to that. After a moment, Lotor’s eyes widened slightly and he coughed, his cheeks coloring a darker purple suddenly as he dropped his hand from Keith’s cheek. “You should come with me down to the kitchen,” Keith told him. “Get away from this room for a little bit. I can get Hunk to make milkshakes.”

”What is it about these milkshakes that are so magical?” Lotor asked, curious as he stood. “They are like nothing I’ve tried before.”

”A lot of it is probably Hunk,” Keith admitted. “He’s a wizard in the kitchen.”

”Hm.” Lotor turned to his clothing. “Well. I shall be down there in a bit. And little one...” Keith felt his breath catch as Lotor gave him a small, real, warm smile. “Thank you.”

Keith left Lotor’s room in a daze, his heart pounding as he started towards Hunk’s room.


	7. Chapter 7

No matter how hard Keith tried the next day, all he saw of Lotor was the exiled prince leaving. Sometimes it was when Lotor was obviously done there and moving on, but sometimes... sometimes it was when he caught sight of Keith, and he could see Lotor looking directly at him, his gaze turn calculating, then turning to leave.

And he didn’t like that.

What was Lotor planning? What did he want with Keith? Or what did Keith pose a threat to? That was probably it. Keith posed a threat. He had done something that had threatened Lotor. He didn’t know what it was, but something had threatened Lotor, threatened what he was doing. Keith narrowed his eyes as he saw Lotor very carefully leave without coming anywhere near Keith.

So he was going to hurt them. He was dangerous. They all knew Lotor was dangerous, but it seemed like they all were starting to forget that. Well, Keith was going to get to the bottom of it and expose Lotor. Even he had been taken in. But no longer. He wasn’t going to sympathize with Lotor anymore. He wasn’t-

But when he finally followed Lotor, finally caught up to him, he could hear him softly rambling to himself. And the pained tone of voice made his head reel before his head caught up with what words were being spoken. He sounded so raw, so... so _hurt._

”And under these conditions I cannot further my research. I no longer have my researchers, I no longer have my generals, and then my-” Lotor’s words cut off, and Keith felt a thrill run through him at the thought he might have been caught before Lotor sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Everything I worked towards,” he said, his voice full of sorrow. “Towards that possibility... and my father took it from me. That research could have saved-” Lotor inhaled deeply, then he sighed. “My nose is sensitive, little one.”

Keith swallowed, taking several steps towards him. “What could your research have saved? What was your research?”

”I am aware you are still a Paladin of Voltron,” Lotor reminded him. “You still will not manipulate me into telling you my plans.”

”I’m not trying to manipulate you, damn it!” Keith grit his teeth. “But if you’re going to treat me like I’m a threat to you, I’m going to treat you like you’re a threat to this entire Coalition.”

Lotor considered him for a moment. “You are a threat to me,” he finally said, quietly. “Much in the way my generals were.”

”I’m not getting close to you,” Keith retorted. “At least, I’m not going to be close and betray you. I don’t care about you that much. I- damn it, Lotor. Just... just be open and honest with us! Stop with this shady bullshit! You’re acting like I’m getting too close to knowing something that will ruin something you’re working on and that’s suspicious. It looks like you’re working on something to take us down!”

”It might,” Lotor murmured, making Keith freeze. “I’ve yet to know what happens when my plans come to fruition. If I were to have any say in the matter, my plans do not interfere with yours, and may positively impact them. But I am aware they may interfere, and may not be something you want. I am not actively trying to sabotage you, little one,” Lotor added. “I simply...” He closed his eyes.

”What do you want, Lotor?” Keith wished he could have demanded it, but it came out soft. Gentle. Pushed past the squeezing of his heart.

Lotor opened his eyes. “To not hear that tone in your voice. To not feel... feel as if I can confide in a Paladin of Voltron and a... what is your movement called? Blade of Marmora? I am aware my time here is limited, and I do not wish to cut it any shorter by your hearing my plans and deeming me a threat to be put down immediately.”

”Well, maybe I can help you!”

That took Lotor aback. “You? Personally?”

”I mean... Voltron.” Keith felt his cheeks burning. “We. Voltron.”

Lotor looked at him, his gaze critical. Then he sighed, shaking his head. “You would not wish to do so.”

”Try me.”

”I do not trust you,” Lotor said bluntly. “Perhaps I was not clear on that subject. Perhaps I still need to be clear on that more. I do not trust you, Voltron, the Blade of Marmora, the Coalition... the most I trust you on is to overthrow my father. When it comes to me, to my dreams... I do not trust you. At any moment you may decide to cut me down and make me an example. I-”

”If you give us a reason to trust you, we’ll trust you,” Keith told him, absently reaching out to take his hand. Lotor stumbled back, his eyes wide. “I _don’t_ want to kill you,” Keith said quietly. “But I will, if I have to. If you keep doing this shit.”

Lotor’s eyes were still wide, his entire body leaning away from Keith. Then, slowly, he relaxed, closing his eyes. “If I were to tell you, perhaps, would you keep it between us? Even if you do not deem it a threat...” He opened his eyes, his lips thinning. “It is still something to be used against me. Unless you are speaking for the others and they have noticed as well...?”

”It’s just me,” Keith muttered. “I’ll keep your secret... if it doesn’t jeopardize the rest of us. If you’re going to fuck us over, I’m telling Shiro first thing.”

”Hm.” Lotor frowned. “Then perhaps I cannot say.”

” _Lotor._ I mean if you’re actively trying to do it. If it’s something that maybe might fuck us over, then maybe we can work it out so it won’t and you still get what you want. But if you’re trying to hurt us...”

”I am not trying,” Lotor told him. “I am...” He took a deep breath. “I had been doing quintessence research. My ship, the teludav lens... they all came back to quintessence. I am researching quintessence...” Lotor closed his eyes.

”I am researching quintessence to free my mother from the prison she is currently in.”


	8. Chapter 8

”Your...” Keith’s voice trailed off, caught in his throat as he looked at Lotor. His mother? Who was his mother? Didn’t Coran say Zarkon had been married, once upon a time? But that had been ten thousand years ago. Lotor couldn’t be that old. But then, who could his mother be? And what kind of prison required quintessence? “She-”

”Yes. My father...” Lotor shifting his gaze away, looking pensive. “He had made a wrong decision, and it tore our family apart. There is little love lost for what he did. But my mother...” He clenched his fist. “She was a _genius._ What he did to her... is unforgivable. However, I know she’s still there. I know she is not completely gone. And thus... I must fix what my father has done. I must...” Lotor’s voice strained as he tried to speak, and he trailed off, smiling wryly. “Perhaps I hold my mother in too high of esteem,” he told Keith.

”No, I get it,” he told him quietly. “I don’t know my mother. I know my dad... he’s the human side of my family. But I don’t know the Galra side of my family. And I’d do anything for my mother if I knew her, just... just because I just want to meet her. I want to know why she left. And why she came to Earth in the first place.”

Lotor’s face seemed to gentle slightly at Keith’s words. “Your mother as well. I see.” He shook his head. “However, my research may run counter to what Voltron wants... and the results may also run counter. Do you still think, acting as a Paladin of Voltron as well as a Blade of Marmora, that you could help me with my dreams?”

”What kind of stupid question is that?” Keith asked. “Lotor- this sounds like it can be done without hurting anyone. And- And I want to help you. I just...” Lotor stepped closer, his eyes searching Keith’s face almost in awe as Keith’s voice dropped off. His head tilted up to look at Lotor, his heart beating hard in his chest.

”I do know your name, little one,” Lotor said quietly. “But I’d rather hear it from you. The way you say it. Your inflections, accent, the way your breath controls the word.”

”Keith,” he whispered. “My name is Keith.”

Lotor shuddered slightly. “I cannot use that name,” he said, pained. “It’s... a name that fits you so well. Little one. You are my- My lips can say “little one” for you.”

Strangely, it didn’t feel like he was talking down to Keith when he said it. Quite the opposite; Keith felt his heart pick up and his head swim at the words. When he looked at Lotor, he could see... something affecting him too.

”Please rescind your offer, little one,” Lotor asked, his voice soft. “Working next to you... I’m not sure if I will live long enough to see my mother once more.”

”Why is that, Lotor?”

”I am not sure what you are doing to me,” he admitted to Keith. “But-”

”I told you. I’m going to help you free your mother,” Keith insisted. “No matter what.”

Lotor closed his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice full of gratitude. “I hope my fears regarding my dreams impacting Voltron are unfounded.”

Keith nodded. “So... how do you want to start?”

  


* * *

  


”Keith.” Shiro’s voice made him turn. “Hey. This has been the longest you’ve been around in a while.” Shiro smiled a little at him. “The Blade of Marmora not having any missions?”

”Something like that,” Keith muttered, thinking about Lotor and how he was putting off both Voltron and the Blade of Marmora. “I have a few things I need to do first. How are things going with Voltron?”

Shiro’s eyebrows climbed, but he didn’t press further. “It’s going great. Lotor’s been helping us a lot. I hate to say it, but Lotor’s help’s probably going to be the turning point of this entire war. I just wish I knew what he wanted out of all of this.”

Keith kept his face neutral, knowing exactly what he wanted. Why Lotor didn’t want him telling anyone else made no sense. He could tell the others and they could also find ways to help Lotor get what he wanted and not jeopardize the entire thing. Keith had no idea how freeing his mother would ruin everything... maybe Zarkon had her in a personal prison? Ew, that sounded dirty.

”Anyway.” Shiro smiled slightly, patting Keith’s shoulder. “When you want to fly Black again, let me know. Okay?”

That would never happen. Black was _Shiro’s_ Lion. The Lion of the head of Voltron. The leader. Keith wasn’t the leader. Keith was... Keith was supposed to be the right arm. He was supposed to be with Red Lion. But Lance took that, didn’t he? And for all his worries, Lance was the better Red Paladin. He didn’t go off doing stupid shit like Keith. He stuck around. Didn’t leave when he was needed to go fight for another faction.

Keith... never was a good Paladin. He never should have been a Paladin in the first place. And he wasn’t a good Blade of Marmora. The way they gave up their lives, the-

”Hey. Hey.” Shiro’s voice hit him, and he looked up. But for a moment, he just caught a glimpse of a ship, the knowledge this might not work and he was going to die for no reason _he was going to die_ -

Then it passed, and Keith tilted his lips up in a crooked smile, pretending. “What’s up?”

Shiro’s brow furrowed. “Keith, are you okay?”

”Yeah. I’m fine.”

”Are you sure? I mean, if anything’s wrong... if you think there’s anything with Lotor, or anything else...”

Keith forced a more realistic smile on his face. “Everything’s okay. I should get going. I’ll talk to you later, Shiro.” Before Shiro could say anything else, Keith rushed off, his body feeling numb.

And something in his head dropped, like a ball bearing, and he felt like he didn’t know where he was or how he got there- who he was- unfamiliar controls in his hands as he knew he was just going to die for no reason-

  


* * *

  


”Little one.” Hands. Gentle. A calm, warm voice.

”Little one.”

A sigh.

And warmth, surrounding him.

”Oh, little one...”


	9. Chapter 9

At some point, Keith had passed out. When he woke, he was in his bed, the only thing missing from his person being his shoes. And as he searched, he realized that even his knife was only within arms reach, hidden from the view of anyone that might enter. Keith closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

Had he dreamt that last bit? The warmth of someone holding him, that voice? That... Lotor’s voice, gentle. Warm. Keith looked at his hand, taking a slow deep breath.

Lotor.

What was Lotor’s game? What was he doing? How he was acting, he- Lotor- Slowly, Keith took a deep breath, standing up. His head spun slightly, reminding him of the sudden emotional response he had in front of Shiro, and apparently in front of Lotor. And... what was going on? He kept having these kind of feelings. What were they? What was he seeing when he had them? Unfamiliar controls-

Keith shuddered, feeling something against his palms before it faded. No. He remembered the controls. They were the controls of the craft he had flown, almost to crash it into the shield before Lotor saved his life. But- but that fact didn’t matter. People died. It was something he had learned as a Blade of Marmora, and something he even knew as a Paladin of Voltron. Sometimes, people died. They died so others would live. Ulaz and Thace proved that. He couldn’t stand there and say he was special. He wasn’t. And he couldn’t burden the others with this fact. It was just- yeah. He almost died. So what? People... people...

In a flash, Keith exited his room, not even putting on his shoes. His socked feet padded down the hall, heading towards a destination he barely realized he was heading to. When he arrived, Lotor was just arriving to his own room as well, looking up at Keith in surprise. “Little one,” Lotor started before Keith barreled into him, pinning him against the wall, face in his chest. Lotor let out a startled breath, not quite touching him yet. “Little one, what has gotten into you?”

”I almost died too,” he whispered against Lotor’s chest. “When you stopped that cannon, you saved my life.”

Slowly, Lotor placed cautious fingertips on Keith’s arms. “I saved many lives,” he started before Keith shook his head.

”I almost crashed my ship into the shield. I thought it would make the shield overload and drop,” Keith told him. “You stopped me from doing that.”

Lotor inhaled sharply, and Keith heard the noise whistle through his chest as it rose under his cheek. “We are both fools,” Lotor eventually said, his voice quiet. “But why come to me about this? Why not go to one of the other Paladins? Or a Blade of Marmora?”

”I was acting as a Blade of Marmora,” Keith said. “And that’s how they operate. Victory even if it means death. And Voltron... wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t have put themselves into that situation. Ever.”

Keith could feel Lotor relaxing as he shifted his touch to stroke Keith’s shoulders. “And you do know I understand,” he whispered. “The way you speak... I feel even the Champion, your Black Paladin wouldn’t understand. We gambled our lives on victory... with the knowledge certain death was around the corner. You needed to speak to someone who understood. You needed to confide in, to say that secret to that will not judge you.”

He looked up at Lotor, taking a step back. Lotor let him easily, almost quickly letting his hands drop. “Why is it you?” Keith asked on a breath. “Why does it have to be you?”

”I ask myself the same question,” Lotor said, his voice full of pain. “I do not understand you. One could say I do not understand Voltron in general, but you... _you_ in particular...” He reached up, and Keith let him touch his hair, move a lock of hair to one side. “I want to remove myself from your presence, knowing staying with you any longer will only leave me open for betrayal,” he whispered. “I want to order you to stay away, to force you to no longer help me. But the thought causes me so much pain. What are you doing to me, little one?” His fingers trailed down Keith’s face before dropping off. “I should leave,” he said. “Not just now. This ship. This... castle.”

”Let me come with you,” Keith said, letting his impulses drive him.

” _No._ ” Lotor’s voice was firm, almost frantic. “Remain here, little one. Fight my father as a Paladin. As a Blade of Marmora. Do not... do not come with me.”

”I’m not a Paladin,” Keith murmured. “I... I don’t have a Lion. Lance is flying my Lion, and Shiro’s flying Black again. I’m not flying a Lion. And I haven’t gone on a mission for the Blade of Marmora since... since you joined us.”

Lotor’s eyebrows shot for his hairline.

”Lotor, I-”

He slapped a hand over Keith’s mouth. “Please stop,” he said, and Keith could hear him trying to tightly control his voice. Slowly, he removed his hand, skin sliding across Keith’s lips, and Keith felt his breath hitch at the feeling. “Stay as a Paladin.” Keith could almost hear him begging him, could almost see him shaking. “Stay as a Blade of Marmora. Do not follow me. Fight- fight _against_ me. Please, do not...” Lotor leaned in, his head dropping close to Keith’s. “Please do not fight for me,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t be able to bear you, little one, betraying me. For all those who turned on me, you... you would cut deepest.”

Keith looked up at Lotor, and saw sorrow. Pain. And something deeper. A connection. An understanding.

Fear.

And he reached up, cupping Lotor’s face. Trying to tell him he didn’t have to fear Keith. It didn’t occur to him to tell him not to fear Voltron. Just... not to fear Keith. It was okay. He was there for Lotor. Everything would be okay. He was going to help Lotor free his mother. He was not going to betray Lotor.

Panic flashed through Lotor’s eyes for a moment at Keith’s touch, then he relaxed, closing his eyes. When he opened them, Keith could see it. He shouldn’t do this. It would only turn out wrong. Everything always turned out wrong.

Slowly, Keith pushed himself up, his lips meeting Lotor’s.

And slowly, Lotor’s hands rested against his rib cage as he kissed back.


	10. Chapter 10

”You know I don’t know what half of what this stuff does,” Keith reminded him. “We should probably get Allura, or better yet, Coran. They’d be able to tell you what this is.”

”I am aware of what this is,” Lotor told him. “Don’t worry about this, little one.” He smiled slightly at him, his head turned slightly towards Keith before turning back to... something. Seriously, Keith was not sure what the machine was. But Lotor did, and after a few moments of searching and pressing a few things, the machine lit up. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen one,” he told him. “But these aren’t unfamiliar to me.”

”Okay...” Keith crossed his arms. “So, what now?”

Lotor waved him over. “Little one, can you hold your hand out? Under the spindle?”

”I don’t like that word,” Keith grumbled, holding his hand out under a glowing ball. “Reminds me of Sleeping Beauty.”

That made Lotor blink, confused. “Sleeping Beauty?”

”It’s a fairy tale,” Keith explained. “Something you tell kids. A princess was cursed to die on her 16th birthday, and instead the curse was modified so she would only fall asleep. It was activated when she pricked her finger on a spindle. Though,” he added, “I’m pretty certain the spindle they meant is a needle. Something sharp.”

”An incomplete tale,” Lotor murmured. “I see no reason to tell it as is.”

”I’ve only seen the heavily commercialized version,” Keith admitted to him. “One of my foster families loved it and would show it every weekend. So I remember a lot of singing and ‘true love’s kiss’ talk. My foster sister loved the movie and said she wanted a prince like the one in the movie.”

Gently, Lotor took Keith’s hand, and started taking the glove off. “So which am I?” Lotor asked. “Am I your spindle... or your prince?”

Keith’s mouth went dry as Lotor held his hand, pulling back to the spindle. “Aren’t you already a prince?” he finally asked as Lotor released his hand, looking up at him.

”Perhaps only in name.” Keith watched Lotor first attempted to hide the pain, then relent and let the pain of the thought be shown. “What I will be doing is testing your quintessence. This shouldn’t hurt. I’m merely seeing how yours reacts.”

”What do you expect it to do?”

”At this moment? Nothing.”

”What could it do?”

Lotor frowned. “I believe the most common side effects were physical. Double vision, upset stomach. You may have some discoloration on your hand where the testing is being done. I will be careful to do so where your glove normally sits.”

”Would... would it make me transform? Into... into a Galra?”

”Who told you such foolish tales?” Lotor asked, scowling. “This test will not make you into a Galra. You are already Galra.” He took Keith’s other hand, kissing the knuckles. “It cannot make you something you are not,” he whispered, his voice almost sad.

Keith snorted. “You know what I mean,” he told him. “Will I turn purple?”

Lotor just held his hand. Then he reached out, touching Keith’s cheek. “You would be lovely with purple skin.”

”Not an answer.”

”The answer is that I am not sure,” Lotor told him, letting his hand go. “Are you still willing to take this chance, little one?”

Keith looked at his hand. “If I transform, I’m going to have to explain what happened,” he warned Lotor. “And I don’t want to lie to them. In fact, I won’t lie to them. I’m going to help you, Lotor, but not at the expense of the others.”

Lotor took Keith’s naked hand, slipping the glove back on. He pressed a kiss to the covered palm, then held both of Keith’s hands. If he was frustrated, he was hiding it well. Which made Keith reach up, cupping Lotor’s face. “Little one?” Lotor asked, surprised.

”No masks,” Keith instructed. “Show me how you feel.”

”Little one...” Lotor sighed. “I do not want you to feel manipulated about this. Yes, this does not make me happy, but there are other avenues. And your loyalty is not to me. You are a Paladin of Voltron and a Blade of Marmora before you are my assistant.”

”Showing me you’re frustrated isn’t manipulating me,” Keith told him wryly.

Lotor sighed. “It’s perhaps more than just frustrated at this instance. My research has born little fruit for a while now. Even the comet...” His eyes closed. “I had specific plans for that comet, and when I executed them... nothing happened.”

Keith took his hands. “What were your plans?”

”Now now, little one...” Lotor opened his eyes, his lips curled in a humorless smile. “That’s quite a bit of information you want.”

”I don’t think I’m asking too much.”

”And I suppose that’s what scares me,” Lotor murmured. “You are asking exactly what you should.” But instead of answering, he let go of Keith’s hands. “If I do not answer, you are welcome to leave.”

Keith made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, a soft growl that made Lotor’s eyes widen a little. “Is this more trust shit? You don’t trust me?”

Lotor studied his face for a moment. “If you had been betrayed by both the entirety of Voltron and the Blade of Marmora,” he finally said, “would you trust me?”

That made Keith shut his mouth. He... had a feeling the answer would probably be in the negative. When Lotor smiled sadly, Keith grabbed his hand. “That’s not going to make me stop helping you,” Keith told him. “And that’s not going to stop me from wanting to know what’s going on. I’m going to keep helping you, and I’m going to keep asking you for the full truth. One of those is going to pay off.”

”And I fear the truth will be what it will be,” Lotor whispered.

Keith paused. “You-”

”I fear this will never work.” Lotor suddenly seized his face, his eyes wide. “My mother was the genius, little one,” he whispered. “She could do things with quintessence I could only dream of. I want to free her, however- however, I fear I cannot do so. I fear I am not my mother, and my skill with quintessence falls too short to free her. I-”

Keith suddenly pushed himself up, kissing him. “Let us _help_ you,” he whispered against his lips. “You don’t have to do this alone, Lotor.”

”I do not wish to be branded a traitor and threat by Voltron as well,” Lotor whispered back, his hands going to rest against Keith’s back. “Please, little one... let me try this. Let me have my dreams this will work before they are dashed. Please...”

Their lips met again as Keith cupped Lotor’s face between his glove covered hands.


	11. Chapter 11

Keith wasn’t stupid enough to think that Lotor wasn’t messing around with things when he wasn’t there. He wanted to take it on faith that whatever Lotor was doing would be okay, that it wouldn’t impact Voltron at all, but... Even Lotor himself said that what he was doing might fuck up the team. The idea that Lotor would be knowingly and willfully putting them in danger to try to free his mom from whatever Zarkon did to her…

He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he laid down on the bench in the common room. Damn it. That was all he had to hear to be taken in. Lotor's mother was in danger and what he was doing was to try to help her. Probably everything he had done was to do that. Even, in a way, fighting Voltron had to be for that. He didn't know how, but it had to be. And now he was fighting with Voltron, against his father, still trying to free his mother-

Keith sprang to his feet. He was an idiot. He could, well, just fucking _ask_ Lotor. He had all these questions and, well… Lotor could answer them if he _asked._ Hopefully. Keith wasn't blind enough to see that Lotor was still weaving his words around him.

And that…

Keith held his hand to his chest as he walked.

Hurt.

He wanted to know what Lotor was doing. What he was thinking. What… He wanted to _know._ What did Lotor want quintessence for, when it came to freeing his mother? Just what exactly did Zarkon do to her?

 _Who_ was his mother?

Keith found Lotor reading books at what appeared to be a library, seated at a desk and frustrated as he translated the Altean research into Galra. "Hey," he called out. When Lotor didn't answer, he cleared his throat and tried again. "Lotor-"

"I heard you the first time," Lotor said, his voice tired. "I have not seen Altean in years. It is taking all my concentration to read it."

"You- can read Altean?" Keith asked, his other concerns momentarily set aside as curiosity took over.

"I had learned Altean as a child," Lotor murmured. He looked up, and Keith could see his long white hair caught back in a ponytail slithering across his shoulders as he did so. He rested his head on one hand, smiling wearily at Keith. "Do you have questions, little one?"

"Oh." Keith shook his head. "I just- want to know more about you. I mean- your mother."

Lotor chuckled, and patted the seat next to him. "Come. Let me show you." Keith blinked and sat, bewildered. "Do you see this book?" Lotor tapped the screen, showing him a series of symbols. "This is my mother's name," he told him, his voice almost proud.

Keith's heart went crazy as he looked up at Lotor. "Your mother was Zarkon's wife," he whispered, remembering Coran's tale. What was her name? And- "How? They died- all of that happened ten thousand years ago!"

Lotor's face closed off and his fingers tapped the screen again, closing the book. He made to stand, and Keith watched him, not sure what to do. Then, realizing with each word he was making a mistake, he said, "were you alive then? How is quintessence going to help her? I thought-"

"Silence." Lotor's voice snapped out hard, stunning Keith into silence. "You do not know of what you speak. Where did you hear of any of this? From the princess's advisor? He only saw the events from the outside. He did not see what happened as they unfolded. He did not see my mother as the beautiful genius she was. He did not see how my father's actions trapped that beautiful woman inside a prison-" Lotor's hands made fists, and for once Keith could see claws on Lotor. "My father sits on the throne, lusting after quintessence and the Black Lion," he said, his voice low and shaking. "When Voltron showed itself once more, his obsession became known throughout the entire empire to the point even I knew. And yet he had no concern for my mother, for what she had become. He had forgotten the love he had for her. The beautiful, wonderful woman she had been." Lotor clenched his eyes and teeth tightly. "I lost my mother because of him," he said, his voice strangled. "I would not be unhappy to no longer see him… and I will do anything to see my mother, the peerless Honerva, returned to this world."

"And what happens then?" Keith asked, his voice hard. "What happens when Honerva's freed?"

Lotor crumpled. "I do not know," he admitted. "She… she is a very intelligent woman. But she does still love my father, which is why I say I am not sure this will turn out in Voltron's favor, even in Zarkon's death. But I- I must have her back. I must-" Lotor shook his head. "Little one. You make me speak too freely."

Keith stood. "Maybe you need to tell us everything, damn it." He started pushing Lotor, easily pushing him up against a wall. Lotor's eyes widened as he let Keith push him, his hands going to Keith's shoulders as his back hit the wall. "Listen," he said, looking up at Lotor. "This 'no trust' thing is getting kind of old. I want to help you. But you not trusting me, not trusting _Voltron_ is making it hard. You're making it hard for me to be able to trust _you._ So… stop hiding things from me, okay? Tell me stuff like Honerva's your mother. And how you're still alive after ten thousand years. Tell me stuff like this. Okay?" He reached up, pulling Lotor's face down for a kiss.

In return, Lotor smoothly turned them around, pressing Keith's back to the wall as they kissed. The seal of their lips broke as Lotor trailed kisses across his cheek to his jaw, bending down to scrape his teeth and fangs against the skin pulled taunt across his bone. Keith groaned, wrapping his arms around Lotor's neck, digging his hands into the ponytail. This was… a little further than the few kisses than before but if Lotor pulled away now, Keith was going to hunt after him and pin him to the ground while he sucked and bit at his neck and-

Someone coughed at the doorway.

Both of them glared at Lance.

"Hey, whoa. Don't shoot the messenger. Shiro needs Lotor, like, yesterday."

"I see." Lotor straightened, and Keith's arms fell away as Lotor fixed his clothing, not bothering to undo his hair from the ponytail. "Where will I find Shiro?"

"Star Room."

"Of course." He turned to Keith again, and Keith felt disappointed at the mask Lotor held once again. "Until next time."

When Lotor left, Lance turned to Keith. "Do we need to have the shovel talk with Lotor?" he asked, worried.

Keith shook his head.

"Good. Because I'm starting to like the dude. And… I don't want to see you hurt, Keith. Okay? So be careful."

Keith didn't answer.


	12. Chapter 12

The green goo did not look that appetizing today. Keith wondered if it had to do with the way his stomach was knotting up. With everything that Lotor had told him, what he wasn't telling him… he knew he needed to talk to someone. He knew he needed to sit Shiro down and tell him what he and Lotor were doing. Lotor admitted Honerva might be against them if he freed her! That would fuck them over!

But at the same time… Keith swirled his spoon in the goo. Would Lotor let his mother hurt them? Would… would Lotor join his mother at all? He felt naive in thinking that Lotor would stay aligned with them when Honerva came back, but- Keith gripped the spoon tighter. No. He knew where Lotor's loyalties were. They were with Lotor. Not with Voltron.

But then… slowly, he stood, scraping his goo off into the trash and leaving. He wasn't dumb enough to not realize his own loyalties were split. Voltron, the Blade of Marmora… and now Lotor. Keith himself had already fucked over Voltron by not being there when they needed him. They were lucky Shiro had been able to reactivate his bond with the Black Lion and fly. That alone had probably nearly jeopardized everything.

Keith himself was as big a risk as Lotor.

But… he had to try to keep everything together. It didn't matter how well he actually did it. He just had to try. Which meant talking to Shiro. Which meant getting a lecture from Shiro about his own behavior and what was going on and how could he have gone along with Lotor and kept it from them when he knew Lotor could have-

Keith lifted his chin, swallowing.

He could do this. He could go in there and tell Shiro exactly what was going on. Yeah.

But when he found Shiro, he was already talking to Lotor, listening intently. "That sounds right," Shiro said, nodding. "And if we- Keith." He blinked. "Hey. What's up?"

"I need to talk to you," he told Shiro.

"Sure, let me finish up here." He turned back to Lotor, and Keith squirmed internally. That was something that was going to hurt him here: Lotor actually wanted to help them. But his need to get his mother back, to get Honerva-

Oh God Shiro was never going to believe him. Everything that happened to Zarkon and Honerva happened ten thousand years ago. How could Lotor be that old? Even Lotor refused to explain that to Keith. Would Shiro believe him? Lotor didn't seem to have gone through the same treatment that Zarkon did to turn into… what he was now. So how was he still alive?

He looked over at Lotor, and saw Lotor staring at him curiously, the curiosity morphing to concern. "Little one," he said abruptly, ignoring Shiro completely. "You look as if something's wrong. What happened? What I will say can wait until you are done speaking."

Keith looked up at him, waiting to see if he was trying to mislead him at all. If he was going to stop him from talking. What he would do if he exposed him. But… all he could see was concern in Lotor's face that grew as Keith stayed quiet. Lotor dropped more masks as he came over to Keith, taking his face in his hands. "You do not feel warmer than you have," he mused.

Shiro coughed. Keith looked over at him, not sure what to say. But- "Lotor's been doing experiments," he said quietly, feeling Lotor's hands drop from his face as he spoke. When he looked back at him, Lotor looked resigned. He looked…

_Betrayed._

That wasn't what he meant.

Shiro took a deep breath. "What sort of experiments?" he asked, turning to Lotor.

Keith broke in before Lotor could speak. "We just need access to more books and stuff," Keith said, hurriedly. "That was what I wanted to talk to you about. We're running into dead ends."

That made Shiro's eyebrows climb. "Wouldn't Allura or Coran be better to talk to about that? I mean, I just work here." He smiled at his own bad joke, making Keith snort and Lotor look at the two of them, very obviously confused. "I'll talk to them, see if I can get you some more research material. Do you need some translators too?"

"Yeah," Keith said, knowing he'd have to ride this lie to the end. "At least I'm having a hard time with Altean."

"No problem." Shiro patted his shoulder. "I'd like to talk with you once Lotor and I are done talking, though."

"If you two must speak, then I will take my leave of absence," Lotor said, smiling warmly at Keith. But… Keith could see something in his eyes. Something that said he should not have done what he did. And Keith had a feeling he did not mean the initial betrayal. Lotor left, and Shiro turned to Keith.

"How long, Keith?"

"I've been helping him with his research-" Keith started before Shiro shook his head.

"Not that. He was acting… really like he was your boyfriend or something."

Keith snorted. "That would assume we're in love," he muttered.

"You aren't?"

"I- no? I mean, I want to help him. We're both… I mean, there's a lot about us that's the same. I want to help him out," Keith said, knowing he was babbling a bit.

"You know, we can get Coran to help him too," Shiro started before Keith shook his head.

"Coran has his hands busy with the rest of the ship. I don't want to stretch him even further."

"I suppose," Shiro said skeptically. Then he sighed. "Look, love or not… you two are involved. If he hurts you in any way, I don't care how much help he is. I will put him in the ground."

"I think you'll have to fight Lance for that honor," Keith told him wryly.

Shiro laughed. "I'm glad to see you and Lance worked out your differences," he told Keith. "I knew he'd be like a brother to you in the end." He patted Keith on the shoulder with his human hand. "Just be careful with Lotor, okay? In the end, he's still very dangerous."

"I know," Keith whispered, feeling the lie he had told, and the truth about Lotor's mother, hang heavy on his tongue. "I know.

  


* * *

  


When Keith stopped by the library this time, Lotor was waiting for him, his arms crossed and his face angry. "You lied for me," he said, and Keith felt his heart pound at the growl in his voice.

"I didn't want to betray you," Keith started before Lotor shook his head.

"So you betrayed the others." Lotor strode forward, taking Keith's arms and shook them. "You will return to Shiro and explain yourself. Explain what the truth is." His face turned desperate, pleading. "Do not betray your people, little one. Not for me. Never… never for me."

"What is it about you that you don't think you're worth any of this?" Keith demanded, twisting out of Lotor's grasp. "What makes you think you're not worthy of me caring about you? In the short amount of time I've known you, you've cared about me more than anyone here other than Shiro! And right now, that's starting to become debatable!" Keith's breath came faster and faster as his words flew. "You're the only one who understands what I did and why I did it. You… Lotor, I…" Instinctively, he grabbed Lotor, yanking him down into a hug. "You're an idiot," he mumbled.

"I may say the same to you," Lotor murmured, his hands gently touching Keith's hips. "Lying for me when you deemed me a threat… what possessed you to do so?"

"I don't know," Keith said, holding him closer.

Slowly, Lotor pulled back to look Keith in the face. "Do not do that again," he whispered. "If you feel what I will do will threaten Voltron… do not hesitate." His hands tightened. "If I must be betrayed… I would rather it be your hand that strikes me down."

"Lotor…" Keith looked up at him. "Why?"

"I don't know," he said, confused. "What are you doing to me?"

Keith pulled his head down, their lips meeting yet again. This time, Keith was the one to break the kiss, lips trailing along Lotor's cheek to his neck, nipping and licking at the skin. Lotor groaned, his hands flexing on Keith's hips.

And this time, no one stopped them as Keith backed Lotor against the wall, marking his throat with his lips and teeth as Lotor groaned, each sound turning more and more filthy. Keith finally stopped, pulling back to look at Lotor's face, at the wrecked mess he had become.

Only Lotor stopped Keith when he started to bend, to reach between Lotor's legs.

"Lotor…?"

He cupped Keith's face, smiling as his breath rushed out quickly. "I do not require you to service me," he said gently. "If you wish to please me, come research with me instead."

"What if I want to?"

"You are not my servant," Lotor said sharply. "You will not service me and that is the end of that." He pushed past Keith to return to the books and sat, and Keith could see the mask being brought down on his face. After a moment, Keith sighed, sitting next to him.

"It's a communication breakdown, I guess," Keith muttered. "On Earth, blowjobs are what couples do to make the other feel good because they want the other to feel good."

"And we are a couple?" Lotor asked, his voice still heavily masked.

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it. "I don't know," he asked, looking up at Lotor. "I don't know what this is."

After a moment, Lotor sighed, putting the book down. He reached out, taking Keith's hand, and Keith leaned into him, closing his eyes. "I do not know if I love you," Lotor said, bewildered. "But I do know I would do more for you than I would others. Perhaps more than I would have ever done for my generals, and I've known you a far shorter time than I knew them."

"I don't know if I love you either," Keith whispered.

Lotor kissed the top of his head. "We are fools."

Keith couldn't agree more.


	13. Chapter 13

The Blade of Marmora suit hung there. Almost mocking him. Keith sat on his bed, staring at it, his mind blank. When was the last time he had gone out on missions? The last time he had put that outfit on? He thought about putting it on, rejoining Kolivan, and a scream built in his throat, unfamiliar controls-

Keith took a deep breath.

He'd have to go out there again eventually. This was a war. It didn't matter how he felt or anything like that. He'd have to go. He'd have to go and risk his life again, go out to die for the- the Blade of-

Shoving his hands against his eyes, Keith growled. He didn't want to do that. He- Damn it. He had a reason to live now. Lotor needed someone to help him free Honerva. And he wanted to help Lotor free his mother. If they did it right, then- then wouldn't Honerva be on their side? Wouldn't Honerva see what Zarkon did to her and fight for them? She was a genius. Keith remembered Coran saying that. Having her on their side… it would help them immensely. It would…

They just needed to do this right. If they did it right, then… then everything would be okay. And he wouldn't have to… he wouldn't have to betray anyone. That was the thing. He didn't want to betray anyone. His loyalty was really to Voltron, and by extension to the Blade of Marmora, but Lotor… he deserved to have someone that didn't fuck him over for once. Someone that didn't call for his head, someone that didn't turn him in at the first sign of something going wrong.

Keith looked at his hand, remembering Lotor holding it. Then, he pressed it to his chest, letting out a long breath. What was his relationship with Lotor? What were they… what were they actually _doing_? Just… He closed his eyes. He didn't know what he was feeling for Lotor. But he knew he wanted to help him. He wanted…

He wanted to make Lotor smile more.

He wanted to me Lotor _happy._

Was that love? Keith growled, running a hand through his hair. He didn't know what love felt like. What love was supposed to _be._ Could he even really… was he even supposed to love? He was part Galra. Could he even be allowed to reach out, to… to love someone? That would… he knew he had walls up, and he knew he pushed people away, but… should he let Lotor in? Another Galra? Someone like himself, part Galra? A prince of the people he was fighting?

Lotor didn't even know if he loved Keith back. He might just want Keith's help and then just toss him aside, Keith thought sourly. But at the same time, that wasn't- that wasn't what he had learned about Lotor so far. While Lotor had a mask up around the rest of them, he set it aside for Keith. He was open and honest for Keith. With all of that- Keith didn't know what to do.

And he just didn't know what to make of Lotor stopping him from sucking his dick. Like… what guy didn't like a blowjob? Unless… he didn't know what genitalia Galra had. Or what Zarkon may have done to his own son. Keith doubted Zarkon would have done any sort of inappropriate touching, but he never knew what sort of thing he demanded his son go through.

Keith groaned.

He didn't know what to do anymore.

He knew what Lotor would urge him to do. He'd urge him to go on missions. Be a Blade of Marmora. That was where his loyalties lie. Lotor didn't want him to betray anyone. He didn't… he didn't want him to hurt anyone like he himself had been hurt.

Keith stood suddenly.

Lotor was pushing him away. He was trying to push him away and keep him away so when things went wrong, it wasn't so much a _betrayal_ as something that he knew had to happen.

No.

Lotor had to be in his room. Keith ran out, heading for Lotor's room. He didn't bother knocking, and instead slapped his hand on the console, opening the door. It had been coded to open for anyone, a testament on how little they trusted Lotor. And for a moment, Lotor was startled before he realized what had happened and he sighed, relaxing and sitting up in his bed. "I see I was right," he said. "My door cannot be locked."

"I'm not going to betray you," Keith said, his voice tight as the door slid shut behind him. "So you can stop pushing me away. You can stop treating me like I'm one of your generals and I'm about to… I'm about to hand you over to your father! We're not going to hurt you, Lotor. We're not going to hand you over to the Galra empire. I-" He broke off, and came over to Lotor. He watched Lotor grow confused as he straddled him, pressing him into the bed. "I'm going to help you," Keith whispered, following his instincts. "We're going to get your mother back and she's going to help us take down Zarkon. We're going to help you be good and happy and- I want you to be happy, Lotor." He pressed his head against Lotor's, inhaling deeply. "I just want you to be _happy._ "

Lotor reached up, trailing a hand down his back. "Little one," he whispered.

Keith's lips met Lotor's, slow and gentle. Lotor's hand was warm against his back as they kissed, the slide of lips making Keith's head spin as he felt Lotor's skin move, molasses slow, against his. It made him feel warm, almost overheated, his heart beating hard and fast. It made him feel hard and wet at the same time, his body responding, asking for more. It made him-

Lotor slowly ended the kiss, staring up at him. "Little one."

"I want you," Keith whispered.

Lotor slowly sat up, pushing Keith back. He reached out, touching Keith's face. "I want you to be happy," he whispered.

Keith closed his eyes. He knew a dismissal when he heard it.

Lotor kissed him. "If we have an answer later to the love question, I will revisit this question," he told him. "Until then, rest."

Keith sighed, nodding as he opened his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah…"

"Oh, and little one…" Lotor smiled at him, the turn of his lips thankful and genuine. "If we can do what you said… I will forever be in your debt."

Keith smiled a little as Lotor kissed him one last time before Keith got back up to leave for his own room. He wanted to help Lotor. He really did.

He also wanted to smash genitals with him. Whatever Lotor had with the dick and cunt he had.

He just…

Was this love?

Fuck. He didn't know.


	14. Chapter 14

The Blade of Marmora mask should have felt heavy over Keith's face, but for some reason, it didn't. That didn't make him feel any better as Kolivan stood at the head of the group, a silent, almost displeased presence. It could have been because of how Keith's last run with the Blade of Marmora went, or possibly how the current missions were going. Or maybe because Keith had taken so long to rejoin the Blade. Whatever the reason, when Keith looked up, Kolivan did not look very happy.

Or maybe it was because they were still fighting this war despite Voltron supposedly having taken down Zarkon. They had almost lost Shiro fighting him, and they hadn't even killed him. Zarkon was back, worse than ever. It was still the same fucking cycle as before. Hit and run, and see nothing happen.

Well, not nothing, Keith told himself viciously. Voltron was helping them. And there was the Coalition behind them. They'd freed quite a few planets, and they were working on more. And with Lotor's help, they could strike back against Zarkon even better. Things were going to get better. They were going to defeat Zarkon.

They were going to get Honerva back from wherever she was. Keith pressed his hand against the chest plate, narrowing his eyes behind his mask. He could do this.

When the rest of the Blade of Marmora stood, Keith went with them, feeling the suit move over his body in a way that made him want to scream. But now wasn't the time. He checked his knife, feeling himself calm when it was where it should be, and moved out.

The mission was compromised from the beginning. Keith didn't realize it as he made his way down, but when a pair of guard robots came directly for his direction without err, changing their normal routes immediately before they even saw him- damn it! He pulled out his knife as his foot swung out, knocking one rifle to the side. Quickly, he sliced the other in half, beheading the first just as it readjusted itself. Damn it. He started running towards where the others would be, panting. "The guards changed their routines," he said over the coms. "They know we're here. We've been compromised."

Kolivan didn't say anything.

"Kolivan…?"

""Continue the mission," Kolivan said, his voice stern.

"We're all going to die!" Keith protested. "We're not going to be able to do anything here."

"We can still do something here. Continue the mission. Keith, keep watch while the others plant the bomb."

Keith grit his teeth. It was a lot less than what they had wanted to do, but… even that was going to get them killed. Priming the bomb… But he had no choice. He had to… he had to do this.

He was a Blade of Marmora. This was… he might die. As a Paladin of Voltron, he might die too.

And he remembered gentle lips on his, warm hand on his back, a real smile in solitude.

He would return to the others. To Lotor. This mission would be a success, no matter what. He would do it. He'd… he'd come _home_ to Lotor.

  


* * *

  


Kolivan's words were sharper than usual when flaying Keith alive this time. "We were not compromised until you entered the base," he told him, not waiting for Keith to even open his mouth before continuing. "I had watched you through the cameras. You are not a proper Blade, Keith. You move in the open, as if you are still a Paladin and know you will have the Red Lion come to your aid as before. If you are to continue with us, you will learn stealth. Otherwise, you will surrender your blade."

"You will never have my mom's blade," Keith growled. "It's mine."

"Then prove yourself worthy of it," Kolivan told him. "Dismissed."

Keith left, fuming. It wasn't his fault. He- Damn it! Keith scrubbed his face, feeling the hood fall down around his shoulders, heavier than the piece of fabric should be. The weight of his family, of the path he had chosen to walk instead of Voltron…

When he finally arrived back at the Castle, everyone was waiting for him, eager to hear stories about how this mission went. Eager to know how he was doing. It was the first one since they welcomed Lotor aboard! How was it out there for the Blade of Marmora?

Keith tried to smile.

"Little one." Lotor's voice cut through them all, opening a path for him to walk towards Keith. "You look rather tired," he commented, looking down at him. Keith saw the mask up, and the warmth leaking around the edges.

""Lotor's right," Shiro said, his words pushing the others away from Keith. "Get some rest," he told Keith kindly. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Yeah, of course." Keith couldn't take his eyes off Lotor as the rest of them left. Then, quietly, "I'm home."

"And you are disgusting." Lotor's voice was gentle, almost playful. "Go clean up, little one."

Keith laughed a little at that, taking Lotor's hands for a moment. They stood like that for a moment, alone, before Keith let go and started towards his room.

It wasn't until the suit left his body, almost feeling like he could breathe for once, that he curled up on the floor, shaking. Only this time, he wasn't going to have Lotor's warm words, warm hands to steady him, to comfort him-

This time, he'd have to ride it out on his own-

  


* * *

  


Lotor looked like he hadn't slept in days the next time Keith found him in his room.

He might not have, considering that Keith had opened the door to his room and proved that anyone on the ship could have opened his door. That would have made him wary of them all, considering his trust issues. But… Keith sat down next to him on his bed, leaning into him and closing his eyes.

And Lotor moved his arm to hold him, still reading his book as Keith dozed off.


	15. Chapter 15

Lotor wasn't sleeping. Keith watched him escape once Shiro's attention turned from him once again, and frowned. He hoped that Lotor was going back to his room and laying down, but he knew he was probably going to read. Or- Keith turned to leave, ignoring Shiro's protests. Lotor couldn't be doing what he thought he was doing. He couldn't-

But when Keith found Lotor, fingers flying over the controls for the spindle, his heart tensed, then rocketed to his throat. "Lotor-" he started, walking over to him.

"What do you want, little one?" Lotor asked, his voice bordering on curt.

Keith swallowed. He had really bad feelings about this. "When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

That made Lotor laugh, almost bitterly. "I do not need to sleep here," he spat out. "I have had a breakthrough. I understand what my mother had seen. What she could do- I must do more research and-" He broke off as Keith took one hand. "Release me, little one," he said, his voice hard.

"Not until you get at least one good night's rest," Keith insisted. "Or at least until you finally tell me exactly what the _fuck_ is going on. I know you're still keeping stuff from me. I want to know what's going on."

Lotor spun towards him, grabbing him and snarling. "You would not understand, little one." He shook Keith, then took a shuddering breath as he let Keith go. "You sleeping next to me was the most relaxed I had been since you confirmed my door could not lock," he told him quietly. "And yet- I could not completely rest when I knew I had a thread in front of me. A possibility of being able to free my mother. But I- I couldn't dislodge you. I couldn't-"

"Where is your mother being held?" When Keith asked the question, it suddenly hit him how stupid he had been. Why hadn't he asked this before? He should have. But he was so intent on helping Lotor that he just… didn't think about it. "Why would quintessence free her?"

"Little one…" Lotor closed his eyes.

"Tell me. I'm not going to get Shiro. I just want to know."

After a moment, Lotor started walking. He looked behind him, and reached out to take Keith's hand. The two of them walked down the hall to Lotor's room, and when the door slid shut behind them, Lotor let out a long breath. "Do not vow blind loyalty to me," Lotor told him. "You will regret it when I tell you the truth."

Keith's heart would not lower from his throat. "Then tell it to me."

Lotor laughed, bitterly. "My mother was transformed upon her death. I know she still exists, but her body is not her own. What I wish to do is use quintessence to free her mind from that witch's body."

Keith's breath stopped. Witch… Zarkon's witch…

"Her work had been published here, in this Castle," Lotor said, as if he had not just admitted his mother was one of the most dangerous people working for Zarkon. "If I can just-"

"Are you listening to yourself?!" Keith glared up at him. "What do you think this is going to do, Lotor? If you manage to do this, and turn Zarkon's witch back into Honerva, aren't you actually helping your father? You said it yourself. Honerva was a genius. You're giving him a genius back! Why would you do that, Lotor? We're trying to bring him down, not give him better tools."

"You do not understand!" Lotor's eyes were bright, wild. "If you knew your mother-"

Keith growled, and pushed Lotor against the bed. "I don't need to know my mother to know this is a bad idea," he told him, watching Lotor's eyes grow wide. "I don't need to know my mother to know you're tearing yourself apart on this. And I don't need to know my mother to know you… I…" Keith felt his words choke in his throat.

Lotor narrowed his eyes.

"Honerva's dead," Keith whispered. "Lotor, please-"

Lotor's hand touched Keith's throat, almost threatening-

Then he collapsed, Keith catching him and easing him onto the bed as he started to sob.

  


* * *

  


"I'm normally better at missions," Keith murmured, running his fingers through Lotor's hair. "I think the fact I almost died made me screw up so much and made me compromise the mission."

"Keep talking," Lotor murmured. "Tell me more about the Blade of Marmora."

"The suits are uncomfortable." That made Lotor laugh a little, shifting on his bed. "Well, kinda. They're more comfortable than the Paladin uniforms in a way in that they're made for stealth. But they get really hot and sticky really fast. The Paladin uniforms can be self regulating. The Blade of Marmora suits, not so much."

Lotor shifted, ghosting a hand across Keith's side. Slowly, he looked up at Keith, his eyes intense on Keith's. "You are quite lovely in that suit," he told him. "You look strong. Capable. Fierce. You look like a Galra warrior, one no one should cross for fear of losing their life."

Keith opened his mouth to say something when Lotor leaned in, kissing him. His eyes slowly closed as Lotor pressed him back against the bed, long fingers stroking through his hair. Slowly, Lotor's other hand slid under Keith's shirt, lifting it. Keith broke the kiss so he could pull the shirt off, watching Lotor take in his bare chest.

"You look… beautiful," Lotor murmured, stroking a finger across his chest. The finger circled around his nipples, taking in both Keith's soft gasp and how they hardened under his touch. He leaned back down to press kisses to Keith's jaw, his hand moving further down to trace the lines of his stomach. Keith groaned as Lotor's hand cupped him, his growing erection and seeping wetness in the exiled prince's hand. Lotor pulled back, looking at Keith, a question in his face.

And Keith answered it silently, nodding.

Lotor pulled back, pulling off his own clothes as Keith kicked off his shoes and pants. He was about to pull off his underwear when Lotor stopped him, his hand tender as he pulled down the clothing himself, revealing Keith to him. Almost reverently, he ran a finger across Keith's cock, then further down, between the lips of his cunt. He looked up at Keith, his fingers running between the two in question.

"Let me see what you have," Keith whispered.

Nodding, Lotor sat back, and Keith blinked as he saw a ridged cock slide forth, beautifully purple. But from what Keith could see… he only had a cock. Which meant- well, they'd have to be careful anyway. No penetration. Keith didn't know if he could get pregnant and he didn't want to risk it. So he gently wrapped his hand around Lotor's cock, stroking and watching Lotor's face grow slack with pleasure. With a shaky hand, Lotor touched Keith's face, keeping his eyes on him as he suddenly groaned, spilling over his hand. Which… huh. Lotor must not have masturbated in a long time.

Seeing the look on Keith's face, Lotor shook his head with a wry smile. "It is a quirk of my Galra biology," he murmured. "It doesn't happen often, as I am half Altean, but at times I require many orgasms to be satisfied. I suppose I should feel lucky I do not have to worry of a knot."

The sudden thought of Lotor driving into him over and over, filling him to the brim over and over made his breath rush out as he grew hotter. Lotor smirked, leaning in to kiss him. Instead of saying anything, he moved to rest between Keith's legs, opening his mouth to swallow him down. The sudden heat made Keith lay back, gasping, his hands grasping at the bed as Lotor slipped a finger into his sopping wet cunt. Keith sat up slightly to watch Lotor's head move moaning as he added another finger inside him, twisting and pressing inside him. Keith dug both his hands, the clean and semen dirty one, into Lotor's hair as Lotor lowered his head completely, Keith's cock bumping the back of his throat. Before he could stop himself, he was shuddering out an orgasm, his cunt tightening around Lotor's fingers. Quickly after, he was shooting down Lotor's throat, the exiled prince swallowing around him.

Keith panted as Lotor stroked his hair with his free hand, other hand still inside him. He closed his eyes, smiling a little to himself, trying to ignore the voice that said they still hadn't gotten an answer to the love question.

But for right now.

He would ignore it.


	16. Chapter 16

When Keith woke up, Lotor wasn't in bed with him and the shower was running. Slowly, he sat up, looking down at the stray strands of white hair that laid in his bed. Lotor's hair. He slid out of bed, heading for the bathroom as well. Gently, he knocked on the door before pressing his hand against the console, entering. "Lotor?"

The body in the shower shifted to look at Keith, hazy in the steam. "Little one," Lotor said, his voice warm. "I am about done. I was not aware your bathing quarters had running water."

"Humans are used to taking baths and showers with water," Keith told him. "And I guess Alteans were too, because Allura wasn't surprised when we told her. I take it Galra aren't?"

"Galra physiology can greatly vary," Lotor told him as Keith came closer. "Due to the prominence of Galra with fur, we usually do not bathe with water. This is… a rather calming experience."

Keith grabbed the soap. "Turn. I'll get your back."

Lotor raised an eyebrow but turned. When Keith started scrubbing his back, he sighed, the noise almost as startled as it was relieved. After a moment, Keith put the soap down and started rubbing his hands across Lotor's back, feeling the alien play of muscles under his fingers. He dug his fingers in harder at the encouraging sounds, listening to Lotor's breath and appreciative hums as his hands moved, trying to find knotted and tense muscles. Finally, he wrapped his arms around Lotor, hips instinctively pressing into him, wound up from the appreciative noises Lotor had been making. Slowly, he slid a hand down between Lotor's legs, feeling the smooth skin of his groin before that lovely cock slid forth to meet his hand.

"Perhaps a shower is not the best place for this activity," Lotor murmured.

"No cleanup," Keith retorted, his voice not much louder.

Lotor chuckled. "You are correct. As you often are." He turned, tilting Keith's head up to kiss him.

Words Keith didn't know, didn't understand, didn't want to say were on his tongue as Lotor pressed him to the ground, pressed his mouth to his cunt, brought him to the brink and over until he was gasping and shuddering, tears coming to his eyes for some reason.

And Lotor only kissed his lips, Keith's slick still on them, before his fingers dropped between Keith's legs to start again.

  


* * *

  


"Anyone seen Lotor?" Lance asked as he sat on the bench in the common room, tilting over to see what Pidge was doing. Pidge pinched his side and he squealed, looking at her, wounded.

"You fell on me last time you did that," Pidge told him, humor in her voice. "And I don't know. I thought he was talking to Matt and Shiro."

"Nah, I just saw Shiro."

"Lotor's probably sleeping," Keith told him, instantly regretting even speaking as Lance's smile grew impish.

"You wore him out that much, huh?"

Keith felt his ears start to burn. "What do you mean?"

"It's a crude sex joke," Pidge said, her voice flat. She looked up at him, and then Keith knew she was not on his side. Traitor. "So, is Lance right or do we need to get you some pointers? I mean, I can get some Galra sex tips."

"I hate you all," Keith announced, burying his head in his hands. "How do you even _know_?"

"We can hear you."

If Red could come save him right now, that would be great. Shiro came in on his words, his eyes hard on Keith. "I encouraged you getting to know Lotor, but I don't think sleeping with him is a good idea, Keith," Shiro told him, and he could hear a note of worry in his voice.

Keith lowered his hands, straightening his back. "Lotor's a good- okay. He's not a bad guy," he amended. "He… has a lot in common with me. It'll be okay."

Shiro looked at him, then sighed. "Be careful," he told him.

"I am."

"This is all great and all," Lance said, "but where's Lotor right now?"

Shiro frowned. "I thought he was with Keith. He said he had things to do."

Keith echoed Shiro's frown. What sort of things? He stood, heading towards the library. Reading? But no matter where he looked, he couldn't find Lotor. Not even… not even in his room. His feet picked up speed as they raced to the training room, hoping to find him there, but no. No Lotor. Then-

He didn't even realize his legs were taking him to the hangar until he was standing the empty space, Lotor's ship no longer in it as his chest heaved. His arms shook as he looked around, hoping he was wrong, hoping that the ship had just… moved, but… no. It wasn't there. Lotor… was gone.

Keith didn't feel he could move any faster as he ran back to his room. He didn't bother putting on his Blade of Marmora uniform and knife. He just grabbed it and ran back, heading straight for Red's hangar. Her head was down when he got there, mouth open to let him in. The two of them took off, heedless of anyone else. "His ship is made of the same material you are, right?" he whispered, awkwardly starting to change while she flew. "Track him. Find Lotor."

Red roared.

  


* * *

  


The Castle and other Lions kept popping up on his coms. Keith kept ignoring them. He was faster than the rest of them. He'd be able to find Lotor first. And then- and then knock some sense into him about what the _fuck_ he was doing. He knew Honerva was dead and the witch wasn't his mother. What was this? What-

When he finally found Lotor's ship, it was parked on a large asteroid by… a ruined planet? That's right. They had destroyed the Galra's home world. Keith swallowed as he engaged his mask, something twisting in his stomach. This was his heritage too. His mom's side had family that once lived on this planet. It never hit him until now that he had Galra genes, not even when he awoke his knife, until now. Until he looked at the ruined planet of his mom's people. Of… of _his_ people. Keith made sure his mask was secure before exiting Red.

The Blade of Marmora suits never felt as secure as the Paladin suits. He didn't know why he didn't reach for his Paladin uniform instead. But… here he was, heading towards Lotor in a flimsy suit that could easily be compromised and a knife.

And yet… he didn't feel threatened.

"Lotor…?"

"The Rift had untold quintessence," Lotor told him, musing. "My mother studied it-"

"Your mother is dead, Lotor!"

"And I can still bring her back." Lotor turned to Keith, and he could see the fever pitch back, worse than ever. "My mother used quintessence to revive her cat. Ten thousand years later, one of my generals had used this cat as her senses. It is possible to revive a dead being with quintessence! I just need to study it from the source. That is what I am missing. That is what-"

"And what happened with that cat?" Keith asked, his voice tight. Angry. He thought Lotor had realized this was a dumb idea. That it couldn't happen. That… that this was _killing him._

Lotor narrowed his eyes. "The cat lives."

Keith let out an explosive breath. "Lotor! Don't you get it? Honerva's not coming back. And if you manage it, you're only helping your father. You-"

Lotor snarled, and Keith quickly hopped back as Lotor drew his sword. "Do not act as if you know what you're talking about."

Keith swallowed, then took a step forward. "Lotor, I- If you do this, you're going to be Voltron's spindle. You're going to prick us and there won't be good fairies to keep us from dying. Lotor, I- please, be my prince."

The sword in Lotor's hand shook.

"Please, I- I love you. Please be my Prince Charming, and not my spindle."

The sword in Lotor's hand fell to the ground.


	17. Chapter 17

The Black Lion landed soon after Keith confiscated Lotor's sword. "They're going to want to know what's going on," Keith told him quietly.

Lotor looked back at his former home world, at Daibazaal, then turned to Keith. Gently, he took Keith into his arms, looking down at him. "I will tell him the truth," he said softly. "And I will take my punishment… Keith."

And suddenly Keith understood why Lotor refused to use his name. The cadence, the accent, the soft and gentle way he said his name was so private and _intimate_ that he felt like he was walking in on something just by hearing Lotor use it. But no, it was a moment between him and Lotor that was this intimate, a pocket built between them solely by use of Keith's name. Lotor smiled at him, the turn of his lips sad as he let Keith go, turning to the Black Lion.

"My name is Lotor," he said, his voice clear over all communication lines. "I am the exiled prince of the Galra. And I entrust myself to your punishment, Paladins of Voltron, for my crimes."

Shiro's voice started to crackle over the coms. "Keith? What's going on? What is Lotor talking about? Why did you take off like that?"

Keith swallowed hard. He could lie again. Cover for Lotor. But…

"Lotor's experiments were to bring his mother, Honerva, back to life," Keith said, keeping his gaze forward as he spoke. "Honerva was turned into Zarkon's witch when she died ten thousand years ago. He was studying quintessence to try to bring her back."

Silence filled Keith's ears as Shiro took that in. "We'll talk about this at the Castle," he finally said. "Keith, take him back. We'll worry about his ship."

Keith nodded. He turned to Lotor, indicating the Red Lion with a tilt of his head. The two of them pushed off towards her, entering the Lion easily. Lotor sat down behind Keith, his silence booming. Keith wanted to talk, wanted to fill it, but he didn't know how. Did he talk about how he didn't want to betray Lotor, but he had gone too far? What did he talk about?

"This is the first I've seen you act as a Paladin since I arrived," Lotor finally said, his voice thoughtful.

"I didn't even know if I could fly Red again," he said quietly. "I felt like I was just a Blade of Marmora."

"I believe your Lion knew the truth all along," Lotor told him. "No matter what happens, you are always a Paladin of Voltron."

Keith fell silent for a moment. Then, very quietly, "what would have happened if this didn't work, Lotor? What would you have done?"

"I don't know."

Turning, Keith looked at him, seeing the look on his face. He looked as if it hit him that his end goal would have even fucked himself over. "Lotor?"

"Daibazaal is dead," he whispered, his voice full of grief. "My mother is dead. My father… that is no longer my father. Not the father I knew. Everything I knew is gone. And now I am to lose what I have learned I loved because of my blind passion to regain everything I had before my mother died."

Keith felt his heart pick up in his chest at the confirmation that Lotor loved him back, and the knowledge he was right. That because of what Lotor had done, the connotations of him leaving with him doing that kind of research behind everyone's backs, he would be taken away from Keith. "Maybe things won't be all that bad," he said as the Castle came into view.

"You are either not as bright as I remember, horribly naive, or…"

"Or stupidly in love," Keith whispered back, looking at him.

"We are fools," Lotor murmured.

  


* * *

  


Keith wasn't able to see Lotor for a while after that. Shiro, Allura, and Coran all wanted to talk to him, all wanting to know different things. It was obvious what Shiro wanted to know, and Allura to some of the same extent, but Allura and Coran both had heard about Lotor's mother being Honerva and Honerva being Zarkon's witch. They wanted to know more about that. And… in general, about Lotor. The fact he was half-Altean. Keith could almost feel the thirst for more Altean interaction in the air even when no one was around.

But now… Keith made his way to Lotor's room. Instead of just entering, he knocked, waiting for Lotor to answer. When he didn't, Keith knocked again, worried.

"Enter." Lotor's voice filtered through the door, quiet. Exhausted. When Keith entered, he looked… almost defeated. A flash of his old self entered his eyes when he saw Keith, but it was only enough for his lips to turn in a real smile. "Little one."

"I want you to tell me about Daibazaal." Okay, that was not what he wanted to say. And by Lotor's face, he was just as surprised. "I mean- the culture. The people. History. The- I want to know about the history of the Galra people. I want… I want to know _our_ history."

Lotor's eyes picked up a little more life at Keith's words. "Our history? Are you claiming your Galra heritage?"

"It hit me when I saw Daibazaal," Keith said softly. "That was… my mother, a long time ago, had family that lived there. _I_ had family that lived there. I have a whole heritage that I'm just not… that I know nothing about. I go out on missions to free the universe from Zarkon's rule with the Blade of Marmora and I don't know anything about the people I'm out on missions with other than we're all Galra. I don't know what any of that means. Lotor, I- we're both part Galra and I don't know what-"

"Shh." Lotor reached out, pulled Keith to him. "The story of Daibazaal is a long one, and ends terribly, with my father taking over the universe. Do you wish to hear the entire story?"

Keith slowly sat on the bed, nodding.

Lotor smiled at him. "Then, Keith, let me tell you the story of our people…"


	18. Chapter 18

"I don't want you going out on missions," Shiro told Keith. "Not after what happened with Lotor."

He had a point, Keith tried to tell himself. Lotor had kept something huge from all of them. Considering Honerva was now Zarkon's witch, this was something that could have fucked them over. Not just them, but also Lotor. And when Keith had a chance to tell Shiro, he lied about it. Shiro had a point about wanting to keep Keith where he could see him. Keith and Lotor were making fucking _stupid_ decisions.

That still didn't mean Keith didn't balk at Shiro's words. "No matter what happens, I'm still a Paladin of Voltron," he told Shiro. "Even if I'm involved with Lotor, I'm still on Voltron's side!"

"Keith." Shiro's tone didn't soften. "You knew what Lotor was up to, and you didn't tell us until he escaped the castle and returned to Daibazaal. And we can't get out of Lotor what he was going to do there. Considering what the rift first let through… we have to limit his freedom and you have to stay here."

"But Shiro-" Keith grit his teeth. "I'm not going to be flying a Lion if I stay here. You have Black and Lance has Red. I'm just going to be useless. I need to do something, Shiro. I need to go out on missions with the Blade of Marmora. I-!"

Shiro shook his head. "You're staying here. I've let it go on long enough. But I have to tell you right now you are no longer a Blade of Marmora. As your leader, I'm telling you that you are quitting and refocusing your energy here."

When had his relationship with Shiro become so strained? Keith grit his teeth, trying to figure out when he had lost the tight bond he had with Shiro. When it became something like this. "Fine," Keith said, sighing. "But what are you going to do with Lotor? I mean, if you send him back out into space, there's a good chance Galra or someone sympathetic to the Galra will catch him and kill him."

"We have a place with a Coalition where we're going to have him stay," Shiro said, making Keith blanch. "He'll be safe-"

"He'll be assassinated! Do you really think anyone from the Coalition trusts him? Someone's going to kill him within the first week he's there!"

"He can't stay here," Shiro told him, his tone brooking no arguments.

Keith didn't listen. "He has to. We still need Lotor. And if he stays somewhere else, someone's going to kill him. We're the safest place for him."

Shiro sighed. "Keith. I understand you're involved with him and that you probably even have feelings for him. But that compromises your ability to understand what's going on here. We have what he needs if he decides to continue his research into quintessence. We have all the research his mother did. And if Lotor decides to put it into practice, we might have even bigger problems on our hands. He's not staying here where the temptation is."

He knew Shiro was right. Love had twisted him since… how long had he loved Lotor? How long ago had those feelings morphed into love? But it had twisted him, blinded him to how dangerous Lotor's research could actually be. At the same time… it had blinded him to how little Lotor was telling him and how little he knew before he jumped into the entire thing.

But he was still in love with Lotor and the idea of him being somewhere unsafe did not sit well with him. Lotor was a fine fighter - he knew that from practicing with him - but he wouldn't have his sword. He knew right away that they would not give that back to him even when he left.

Shiro was wanting to lead Lotor to his death under the pretense it would be for the best.

When did everything go so wrong?

"We might be able to use Lotor's research," Keith said suddenly. "About Honerva. To take away Zarkon's witch. If we let Lotor research, under supervision of… Coran, maybe? Then maybe we can have Lotor find out some way of making sure we don't have Zarkon's witch anymore and Honerva works for us?"

Shiro sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Keith…"

"Honerva's a genius. Both Coran and Lotor have said so. If we can have someone like that on our side-" Keith swallowed, feeling as if he had something. "It might turn the tide of this war to have Honerva on our side."

Keith could see the moment he had gotten the thought into Shiro's head. "I'll talk it over with the rest of the Coalition," he said, making Keith's heart sink slightly. "Until then, the plan to take him somewhere else remains."

He nodded, closing his eyes. Well. He didn't exactly fail.

"Hey." Shiro clasped his shoulder, and when Keith opened his eyes he saw Shiro smiling at him. "It'll be okay, Keith. I know this is rough right now. But we'll figure this out. Okay?" He shook Keith's shoulder a little.

"Yeah, okay."

  


* * *

  


Compromised.

Keith sat on his bed, staring at his mother's knife. At his knife. At the blade that changed everything for him, changed his entire _history_. He was compromised because of a few stupid feelings for someone that couldn't let go of his mother. Because of all of that, he had to cool his heels in the Castle, and not… not do anything.

Not be anything.

He already wasn't really a Paladin of Voltron. He had given that up to join the Blade of Marmora. But now… now, he wasn't even a Blade. He was… nothing.

Just because of a few stupid feelings.

Was being in love always this difficult? From what both Lotor and Coran had said, Zarkon and Honerva had a lovely relationship before everything went to shit. So why was his relationship with Lotor so hard?

Lotor wasn't one of them, Keith reminded himself. Lotor wasn't a Paladin of Voltron. He had been their enemy until recently. Since Lotor flew off to Daibazaal in hopes of furthering his research, they weren't going to treat him well.

But Lotor could do something like that again, Keith told himself. And… when Shiro found them, Keith did hesitate before answering truthfully.

Fuck. He was compromised. If Lotor chose to do something that would fuck over the team for his own gains, Keith might just go along with it because he- he just wanted to see Lotor smile again. He just wanted to see Lotor happy again, like-

Like any time they were together, from just sitting in silence to Lotor telling him the history of the Galra people.

He was a Paladin of Voltron. He would do the right thing.

Keith looked at his knife.

He had to do the right thing.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tomorrow is Rooster Teeth's Extra Life 24 hour stream. I will be watching this as long as I possibly can instead of writing. I recommend you watch it too. I don't know what they're going to do this year that's going to top announcing Lindsay is pregnant but I have a feeling it might involve having Iris on stream for a while. But we shall see what they'll make Michael and Gavin do this year For The Kids.

As far as Keith could tell, no one was actually keeping him from seeing Lotor. They weren't trying to keep them apart. But at the same time… Keith knew that they didn't exactly see them the same way as before. And Keith didn't know what to say about that. Lotor had been nothing but helpful the entire time he had been with them. It was just… his desire to see his mother again.

Keith wasn't wrong, though. If they could get it right, if they could convince Honvera that Zarkon had ruined the universe, she'd be a great ally. Lotor was on to something. And now that everyone knew, he could get all the help he needed. He… he didn't need to be shuffled aside to a remote planet.

And yet. Keith closed his eyes, standing in front of Lotor's room. This might be the last time he could be with Lotor. The last time he could spend time with him before they tossed him somewhere to be 'safe.' Slowly, he raised his hand, knocking on the door. "It's me," he said, pitching his voice just loud enough to be heard through the door, but hopefully not loud enough to disturb the others.

After a moment, the door opened, and Lotor smiled down at him. "Little one," he said warmly. "Come to say goodbye personally?"

"Something like that." Lotor's eyes flashed with surprise as Keith stepped into the room. Then, without letting himself think, Keith grabbed onto the instinct curling in his stomach and turned to Lotor, pulling him down for a kiss. Lotor froze for a moment before kissing back, his hands running back through Keith's hair before trailing down his neck and back. "I want you to stay," Keith whispered against his lips. "This isn't safe. The Coalition hates you."

"It perhaps isn't safe for me to stay around my mother's research," Lotor whispered back. "Lest I be consumed by her work again and forget myself."

Keith swallowed. It had just happened. It could happen again. Getting Lotor away from Honerva's research would be a good thing. But at the same time, he was going to _die_. And when Keith lifted his eyes, catching Lotor's gaze, he knew Lotor knew it too. "I don't want you to die," Keith said, his voice barely above a breath.

"I wish to live as well," Lotor agreed, laughing slightly. "I escaped my father to do just that. However… if I stay, I may fall back into the same trap as before. If I do, I will help my father." Lotor stroked Keith's face, his gaze turning sad. "What I will do will kill you."

Keith closed his eyes. "I know," he whispered as he opened his eyes.

Lotor kissed him again, slowly letting him go and straightening up. "Little one," he started before Keith shook his head. "What is it?"

"It just feels wrong to spend this time, to help us like this, to- fall in love like this, and then you have to go somewhere you're definitely going to be killed," Keith whispered. "We just realized we're in love. We should have at least a little time to be a gross couple around here."

That made Lotor chuckle. "Life isn't always fair," he pointed out. "It is, in fact, rarely fair."

Keith sighed, nodding. "I know."

Lotor stroked his face, his fingers gentle. "Goodbye, Keith," he said, the way he dropped the syllables of Keith's name from his lips still far too intimate, far too loving for Keith's heart.

In return, Keith pushed himself up, kissing Lotor. He pressed his body against Lotor's, desperate. One last touch. One last… one last memory of Lotor's fingers on his skin before they sent him on a well meaning execution. Lotor rested his hands on Keith's hips, then understood as he lifted Keith's shirt, fingers trailing across his skin as he did so.

Impatient, Keith pulled back, pulling off his jacket and shirt. He reached for his pants before Lotor stopped him, hand over his. "This will be our last time," Lotor told him quietly. "Please. Let it last." Gently, he pushed Keith's hands out of the way, trailing fingers over the bulge growing in Keith's pants, teasing. His eyes remained on Keith's as he stroked him through his pants, reaching between his legs at times to brush against the covered wet folds. Keith bit his lip as Lotor's light touch continued, arcing fire through his veins. When Lotor pulled his hand away and lead him to his bed, Keith swallowed as he laid down, looking up at Lotor as he took off his shirt, leaving himself in his pants.

Then, slowly, Lotor pulled down Keith's pants, leaning down to mouth at the hard cock still caged in underwear. Keith hissed, his head tilting back as Lotor's lips pressed against the flesh, then lower, his fingers pulling the cloth away from his dripping hole so he could suckle at the folds. He gripped Lotor's pillow as he turned his head, groaning, his legs opening wider.

Lotor looked up at him, letting his underwear fall back into place as he removed his fingers. "I wish to take you," he whispered.

Keith swallowed, his hole twitching at the words. To be filled by that ridged cock, and the idea that Lotor might not be satisfied with one orgasm, might fill him up over and over… but- "I don't know if I can get pregnant," he whispered back.

Lotor's gaze darkened at the thought, the idea of Keith holding his child visibly hitting him. And Keith… didn't know if he hated the idea either. He'd have a piece of Lotor with him, proof of their love.

But then Lotor shook his head. "My genes are too controversial," he told him quietly. "If my father dies, even with his order to kill me on sight, there would be Galra clamoring for me to take the throne, as I am Zarkon's blood. My child would have that same responsibility thrust on them. And with that responsibility would come attempts on their life, from those who would see traitor genes and not want to see that on the throne, despite if our child would want the throne or not. I cannot pass my genes on. I cannot do that to our child."

Keith swallowed. It made sense.

Lotor kissed him. "Perhaps if we survive this, once my father's empire is gone," he murmured against Keith's lips.

Keith tried not to feel hope rise in him as Lotor pressed his fingers between Keith's legs again, intent on making the most of their last night together.

  


* * *

  


It was a quiet drop off. No Lions. Just a pod to a building in the middle of nowhere. They didn't want to make a big fuss of it at all. Keith watched as Shiro showed Lotor his new home, swallowing. This was it. This was… it. No more Lotor. They would still have communication with him, but this was it.

Shiro came back to the pod, his Paladin armor gleaming in the sunlight. "Are you ready-"

Keith heard the aircraft before he saw them. He heard the laser fire before he saw them. Keith dashed for cover, looking up. Galra? He couldn't tell. But he knew it wouldn't be. He knew those crafts weren't Galra. They were resistance. They were-

His eyes widened.

"Keith, no!" Shiro cried out as Keith ran for Lotor just as the aircrafts came back around.

He'd be okay. He and Shiro came in their Paladin armor. He had armor on. He would be okay-

A blast hit something next to them as Keith slammed into Lotor, knocking him down and covering his body with his own-

And something heavy slammed into his back, cracking his armor as his breath knocked out of him. Keith looked up at Lotor as rubble rained around them, barely able to hear Shiro over the ringing in his ears.

Keith hadn't been able to completely shield Lotor. He could see blood running from his head from stray shards, barely skipping around his eye. But in his eyes… held respect. Awe.

And a little bit of exasperation.

"Paladins," Lotor whispered. "Always willing to sacrifice themselves for others. Even…" His voice trailed off, then he murmured something so soft Keith couldn't hear him as Shiro came closer, pulling the rubble off of them.

"I know," Keith said back, dropping his head to Lotor's chest. "I know."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rooster Teeth raised over 1 million dollars during their 24 hour stream for Extra Life. I am literally in tears over this. Extra Life is something that means a lot to me. The money raised goes to helping sick children and their families receive the best care they can. When Rooster Teeth was holding their stream, Extra Life had raised 8 million dollars from all their teams combined. And then Rooster Teeth raised 1 million dollars on their own for this cause. I'm just... floored by everyone that donated to Extra Life, period. I'm starting to cry again, damn it. This is amazing.

Apparently Lotor had a concussion and Keith had a bruised rib. Keith couldn't help but think they both sounded very similar as they tried to convince the rest of the team not to put them into the cryopods, that they were fine. Yeah, Lotor had the Altean accent going on and a different vocabulary, but they sounded a lot alike. But in the end, both of them were shoved into the cryopods to be healed up.

Keith was out first since he didn't actually break anything. It was a relief to stumble out of the pod and take a deep breath, stabbing pain not coming with the feeling. He turned to the other pod, seeing Lotor's still face resting in there. "How much longer?" he asked, his voice slurring slightly on the words. Ooh, he didn't like this feeling. It was almost like sleeping for too long and the feeling that came with it, but he couldn't wake up fast enough.

Someone came closer to him, and Keith twitched when Lance put a hand on his shoulder. "Not much longer," he told Keith. "It's a trip getting out of there, huh?"

Keith nodded, rubbing his eyes. "It's almost like I'm hungover."

"We're going to have a talk about how you know what hungover feels like," Shiro said and when did Shiro get there? Keith stared at Shiro and swallowed as he realized how dulled his senses felt, alarm zinging through his body, burning away the last bit of drowsiness.

"Yeah," he managed, trying to hide the sudden adrenaline. By Shiro's face, he knew he had failed. Keith turned his gaze back to Lotor, watching his far too still face. He knew it could be normal. Lance had rested peacefully. But it just worried him to see Lotor so still. "Do we know what happened?" he asked quietly.

"You were right," Lance said, his voice solemn. "We got lucky that whoever wanted Lotor gone got twitchy and wanted him gone as soon as possible."

"No one's taking responsibility for it," Shiro chimed in. "But I have my suspicions who it is. We'll figure out who ordered this, Keith."

"But that doesn't change I told you this was going to happen," Keith said sharply, turning to him. "I kept telling you doing this was going to kill Lotor. But you kept saying this had to happen. If you had a feeling someone would try to kill Lotor too, why would you let this happen to him? Do you really want him gone that badly?"

"Lotor's a risk on the Castle," Shiro snapped back at him. "You know what Honerva's research did to her and Zarkon. His research could do the same to himself… and to you. I can't let that happen, Keith. And there was a chance he would be-"

"Safe?" Keith gestured at the pod. "Does that look safe to you, Shiro?" He lowered his hand, his heart hurting. "Shiro… what happened to you? This isn't like you."

Shiro closed his eyes, pain crossing his face. "I know. But this war… we have to make choices we don't want to make, Keith." He opened his eyes, looking at Keith. "This is the happiest I've ever seen you, Keith. Lotor's been good for you. And honestly, if things were different, I wouldn't have made this decision. But I have to keep everyone in mind, and if we lose both you and Lotor to the same fate as Honerva and Zarkon… it would be a huge setback and one I don't know if we would be able to recover from."

Keith clenched his fists. The problem was… he knew Shiro was right. This war had changed them all in some way. What Shiro had to do… would Keith had done differently? If Keith had to choose the best outcome for the team, for the Coalition in Shiro's stead, and weigh a teammate's happiness against the continued success of Voltron and the possibility of the people involved going evil…

"Can you leave me with Lotor?" he finally said, his voice coming out surprisingly steady. "So I'm here alone with him when he gets out?"

Lance came over to Shiro, touching his shoulder. "Yeah," he said, nodding towards the door. "We can. Come on, Shiro."

Keith turned to Lotor's pod as they left, pressing his hand against the cover. If he had been Shiro, weighing all the possibilities… needing to weigh his love against the universe… would he have chosen what Shiro did?

His own reflection had no answers.

  


* * *

  


"What are you thinking, little one?" Lotor asked, pressing his lips against Keith's bare shoulder.

Keith turned around, looking into Lotor's eyes. He had an iris and pupil… because he was half Altean? If Keith looked more Galra, would he also have an iris and pupil? Would he look like Lotor? Slowly, he reached up, stroking Lotor's cheek, looking at his pale skin against Lotor's purple hue.

"Little one…?"

"I don't know if I would choose you or the universe if things got really bad," Keith admitted.

Lotor took his hand, kissing his palm. Even through his lips, Keith could feel a press of his fangs. "Always choose yourself," Lotor told him. "Please. Do not repeat my father's folly. Please… choose the right path."

Keith closed his eyes.

Gently, Lotor stroked his hair back. "Keith?"

"I love you," he whispered.

He didn't know what that meant, though. He didn't know what the right path would be. The right thing, the right path… he knew he would have to do it. If Lotor was consumed by Honerva's research, or if it turned out bringing back Honerva would help Zarkon more than letting her be his witch, then… was was the right path? Was… was killing Lotor the right path?

Keith opened his eyes, looking up at Lotor.


	21. Chapter 21

Keith was training with Lotor when it started.

It started innocently enough, as sudden calls to action could be. A call from a nearby planet in the Coalition. None of the Paladins thought anything of it when everyone assembled. Keith had even started for the training room again, turning when he noticed Lotor hadn't followed him. "Hey. What's up?"

"Something feels… off," Lotor mused, frowning. "I cannot put my finger on exactly what it is, however. I will be back to the training room, little one. Allow me time to figure out what it is I'm seeing here first."

Keith frowned, coming over to him. He stared at the display of the planet, then at Lotor. "I don't see anything."

"Please, little one." Lotor stepped away from him, hand to his mouth. "I feel as if I should know something about this planet, but it is slipping away. Perhaps something little known… or that this planet has been on the edge of my father's empire for so long that the Galra no longer care to know about it. But I am trying to remember…"

"It's not like Naxzela, is it?" Keith asked, worried.

"No. If it was, I would remember. Naxzela is a very important planet to the Galra empire with how much destruction it can wreck with its explosion. This… is not as important, but it is… not insignificant."

Keith looked back at the planet, wondering what it could be. He didn't want to move until he knew. Something told him to stay, that this was something he needed to see. Without realizing it, he stepped a little closer to Lotor, trying to see what he saw.

But nothing came to mind as the Lions flew towards the planet. They watched, Keith crossing his arms as he waited. And waited. And-

His eyes opened wide.

"Shouldn't we be hearing some radio contact?"

Keith didn't know Lotor's skin could turn such a pale purple. "Paladins! If you can hear me, the planet Palata has been known to hold Galra sympathizers. That is how we have controlled it for long. It is not truly wishing to be free! This is a trap!"

At these words, Keith's heart picked up. "Does the atmosphere disrupt communication signals?"

"No. They must have gained a device to do so." Lotor turned to Keith. "If we cannot communicate with them, they cannot communicate with each other."

"The Lions' communications sometimes are on a different frequency," Keith said, but he knew that was weak. "I need to get down there."

"You have no Lion."

"All I need to do is take out the jammer. What would it look like?"

Lotor took a deep breath. "There are many to do so," he told him, his voice tightly controlled. "And we would not be able to pinpoint where the device would be."

"I can't stay here and do nothing, Lotor! I have to help them."

Lotor turned to Coran. "Little one," he said, tilting his head to Keith slightly, "you cannot do anything on the ground without any knowledge of what you're looking for and where. However-" He looked up at Coran. "We may be able to help you. Advisor."

"Yes, Lotor?" Coran's voice was wary, but he didn't sound as if he would immediately say no.

"Can you recalibrate the sensors to search for an area that would be the center of where communications would be void?"

"It would take a bit, but I should be able to do that."

Lotor nodded at him, and turned to Keith. "Do you have a craft that has firing capabilities?"

"I-"

"We can fire from the Castle," Coran assured him. "We- oh dear."

Keith looked up, his heart leaping into his chest as he saw Red coming back to the Castle. "Lance? Lance, answer me. Lance!" When Lance didn't answer, he instantly turned and headed towards Red's hangar. He heard footsteps behind him as he ran, skidding to a stop with Lotor nearly running into him as he did so right as the hangar doors closed behind Red. When Red lowered her head, opening her mouth, Keith swallowed, coming closer.

Lance… was definitely unconscious. He couldn't tell if he had a head wound or anything, but Lance was definitely out of it. "Lotor, take care of him," he said quietly. "I'm going down there."

Swiftly, Lotor seized his chin, tilting Keith's face up to meet his lips in a kiss. "For luck," he murmured, releasing him to gather up Lance and take him to the med bay. Keith smiled a little at that as he settled into Red, grasping her control sticks.

And his heart froze, unfamiliar controls in his hands-

No. These were familiar. Red closing her mouth was familiar. These displays were familiar. Her growl was familiar. Red was familiar. Keith took a deep breath, taking off. He could fly Red. Last time he was in Red, he had let her find Lotor, and had been so focused on him not doing anything stupid that he just… didn't realize it. But now, his mind connecting mission to mission, controls to controls…

He was going to be okay. At the end of the day, he was the Red Paladin. Keith swallowed, heading down towards Palata. "Coran, do you have a location for me?" An indicator appeared on a display as he heard a burst of static, and Keith grinned. He couldn't hear Coran, but he had a feeling he knew what he had just said.

Time to do this.

  


* * *

  


Keith wasn't around to see the others land. He had returned as soon as possible and ran for his bathroom, everything he ate for the day coming back up. Something told himself that he should be proud. He flew a mission. He _won_. But-

He had almost _died_ \- but no, that wasn't that mission, when he had almost killed himself had been trying to help everyone escape from Naxzella-

He didn't know when Shiro entered his room and sat next to him as his head hung over the toilet.

But he knew his gentle hand stroking his hair back felt comforting in familiar ways.

"Are you ready to talk now?" Shiro asked quietly. "I know something's been bothering you."

Keith closed his eyes.

"Yeah."


	22. Chapter 22

After Palata, Keith could see no more questions about Lotor's loyalty. It had eased something inside Keith as well. Lotor seemed to give up his interest in his research, in wanting Honerva back. Keith gently ran his fingers through Lotor's hair as he slept, the thought settling wrong in his chest. It was good that Lotor had given it up because it would have benefitted Zarkon more than them, but… it had been a dream of his, and now…

"What are you thinking, little one?" Lotor asked, his voice sleepy as he opened his eyes.

Something suddenly hit him, the thought that Lotor could relax enough around him that Keith touching his hair woke him slowly instead of snapping him awake in a panic. Keith smiled a little, pushing Lotor's hair away from his face. "Just thinking," he said softly, tracing lines of Lotor's skin.

"That doesn't answer my question." Lotor sat up, and Keith did as well, looking up at him. "Has something happened?"

Keith shook his head. "No, just…" He took a deep breath. "I guess- I told Shiro what happened. That I almost- sacrificed myself."

Lotor stroked Keith's hair back from his face. "It would have been a noble thing, as a Galra."

"I wasn't raised Galra," Keith told him quietly.

"I know." Lotor smiled a little at the words. "You are, perhaps, stronger for that fact. One like myself, without being forced into the Galra role. It's… exactly why I love you."

Keith smiled a little at the words, tilting his head into Lotor's touch. "Are you really done with your research?" he asked quietly, feeling horrible as Lotor's face fell.

"I will not lie to you," Lotor told him. "I still feel the call. I could almost feel my mother's touch on my skin again as I made breakthroughs. However…" He cupped Keith's face. "Little one, I can also see my father's cold face. And I know he cannot be called back from where he is, nor do I want him back. And if he cannot be called back… I cannot call my mother back. Not how I would wish her back. I must let my dream go."

"Lotor…"

He leaned down, kissing Keith gently. "It is what it is," he whispered against Keith's lips.

Keith grabbed his hands tightly, moving so he straddled Lotor. "That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt," he said fiercely, his voice whisper quiet.

Lotor's hands curled in Keith's grasp. "I would rather give up on my dreams than force either of us to betray the other," he told him, pulling his hands close. "At one point, I would have preferred you not to betray me, not being able to handle betrayal of another I let in, but now, now that I've come to care for you so deeply… I would rather you betray me than me see your dead body."

That made Keith inhale sharply.

"If I fall," Lotor continued, his eyes intense on Keith's, "I demand you end it. Do not let me harm you."

Keith looked down at their hands, tightening his grasp before looking up at him. "Don't make me have to choose," he told Lotor fiercely.

"I hope I will not have to," Lotor said, leaning up to kiss him.

  


* * *

  


Lance vs Lotor was funny. Lance could fight at a distance very well, but Lotor knew how to close that distance very well, and ended that training session before Keith could do more than smirk.

Shiro vs Lotor was very scary.

Keith could hear Pidge and Hunk whooping next to him, egging Shiro on, but his own heart jumped to his throat as he watched Shiro's face smooth out little by little. He wasn't watching the battle. He was doing something else. And Lotor didn't seem to notice or- or he wasn't watching the battle either, caught up in the motion, in his own brain-

He pulled out his knife, the blade growing in his grasp as he rushed forward, blocking Lotor's strike to Shiro's face at the last second.

All sound stopped.

It was then Keith realized Shiro had his glowing hand to Lotor's throat, inches from slicing it open.

He swallowed.

"Let's take five," he whispered.

Whispering started as soon as Lotor and Shiro relaxed. Keith could hear the others talk about Lotor, about how maybe he shouldn't be on board, how he almost killed Shiro-

Keith jumped as Shiro clasped his shoulder with his human hand. "I shouldn't have tried training against a Galra," he said, his voice ashamed. "Not after being captured by the Galra twice. I would have killed him if you hadn't been here." Shiro smiled a little at him. "Thank you, for that."

"Yeah." He looked down at his blade, back to a knife size, and saw his hand shake ever so slightly.

And then he knew the truth right then and there.

He wouldn't be able to do the right thing.

If the right thing meant killing Lotor, he wouldn't be able to do it. He would skip merrily into Hell with him. No matter what, he would try to keep the one he loved alive. No matter what it took. Lotor could literally depose Zarkon, style himself the new Emperor of the Galra empire and do exactly what his father did, and Keith would sit pretty at his side, unable to see past his own love.

Fuck. Was this how Zarkon had felt when Honerva had started to become consumed with her research? Anything for the one he loved? Ugh, that felt creepy, to compare himself to Zarkon. But… he couldn't help himself. He was…

He was falling for love.

And he couldn't stop himself.

Keith looked over to Lotor, and started a prayer to any gods, on Earth or in space, real or not, that would be listening that Lotor would do the right thing when the time came. Because… because Keith knew.

Keith knew he wouldn't.


	23. Chapter 23

Keith wasn't sure he had heard Shiro correctly. He knew Shiro had been needing to make different calls because the nature of the battle had changed, his team had changed, they had been winning and the Galra were starting to become desperate to win against the Coalition and what Lotor could bring them, but- "Zarkon's not that weakened," he protested. "It's still suicide to go after him directly."

"I agree," Lotor said, his voice hard. "His witch alone will cause you untold trouble."

"I agree," Allura said, frowning. "His witch is far too powerful at his side. We need to free more planets first and-"

Tilting his gaze to Lotor, Keith swallowed. He could see the thoughtful look on his face. The idea of bringing back Honerva to take away Zarkon's witch. Not to bring back his mother, but to cripple Zarkon. He opened his mouth to tell Lotor to stop thinking about it, that they had no idea that Honerva would help them.

Instead, Lotor's face shone with grief for a moment before it cleared, a blank canvas taking its place. "If you allow me a small team, I will perform an assassination on Zarkon's witch."

Keith jolted, turning to him.

"I don't know what you've been told, but that's not how we do things," Allura started before Shiro took a step closer to Lotor.

"Do you have a plan?"

"Shiro!" This time, Lance spoke up. "Dude. This is cold blooded murder!"

"We don't have a better plan." Shiro turned, looking at all of them. "And if we take care of Zarkon's witch, we can take down Zarkon."

"Yes, but… assassination." Allura make a face, the word obviously distasteful on her tongue. "That seemed to be dropping to their level."

"It might be our only chance, Allura."

"I will only require the team to ensure my entry," Lotor told her. "Once I am in, I intend on carrying out the deed myself."

Keith suddenly heard what Lotor wasn't saying and opened his mouth in a panic, ready to ask him how the fuck he was planning on getting out when Allura sighed. "And I suppose you are poised to take all of the credit for the act?" she asked, her voice cold.

"Not a single part of me will reflect my interest in helping Voltron and the Coalition in the slightest."

"I still dislike this idea," Allura said, crossing her arms.

"Do we have a choice?" Shiro asked, turning to her.

"Yes!" Keith's voice burst out of him. "We can continue freeing planets. We can build a stronger Coalition so we can face Zarkon with a stronger army. We don't have to sacrifice _anyone_ just to win this war!"

Lotor turned to him, looking at him sadly as Shiro sighed. "That's not going to work," Shiro told him. "You saw what it was like at Naxzella, and that was just his witch alone. If she gets her hands on something, she could kill us by herself. We need to take her down."

Keith turned to Lotor, his face pleading. "Lotor-"

"It is the best course of action," Lotor said, his voice abrupt. Keith straightened his back, swallowing as Lotor turned his gaze away from Keith. Why wasn't he listening? Didn't he know? Didn't he- didn't want…

Keith grit his teeth, clenching his fists as they started to make plans to assassinate Lotor's mother.

  


* * *

  


That night, Lotor came to Keith's room.

It surprised Keith. Normally, he went to Lotor, curling up in his bed with the exiled prince and giving him his love as well as his unspoken promise that no one on the ship would harm him as long as he was there. This time… when Keith heard the knock on the door, he expected Shiro's face to greet him when he opened the door. After all that had happened, he knew it was coming. Instead… Lotor stood there, his gaze soft.

"You are aware of what my fate will be," he said softly.

"I think we all know," Keith said hotly. "What made you-"

Lotor shook his head. "It's not a question of what made me," he said quietly. "It's a question of what must be done." He looked around him. "May I come in?"

Keith stepped aside, letting him in. "I don't want to see you die," he said, tightly controlling his voice.

"And would rather not die," Lotor told him as Keith turned towards him, the door closing. "I would rather watch Voltron defeat my father and watch you lauded as the hero. I would rather end the war with a home with you-" He reached out, flattening a hand on Keith's stomach as he inhaled sharply. "And a child or two." Lotor pulled his hand away, sighing. "But reality is not as kind. My mother… Zarkon's witch must die before we carry out further plans. And any plans we make will end in someone's death." Lotor caught Keith's gaze, taking his shoulders. "I can play the part of a third party, of the exiled prince bitter at the price on his head. Anyone else would bring attention and retaliation to the Coalition. I can play pretend I am not part of this."

"They'd still know," Keith protested.

"Not the witch," Lotor told him. "She had… I have reason to believe she corrupted one of my generals. That her mind overrode Narti's. She knows I am at least aware of Narti's betrayal. She would assume I worked out that she is the cause."

Keith let out a shaking breath. He knew his generals had betrayed him. He hadn't known how. "Make sure you come back," he said quietly. "I love you, Lotor."

"I love you too, Keith," he said, his voice curling around each word tenderly.

It felt so bittersweet as Lotor pressed him to the bed, lips on his.


	24. Chapter 24

Lotor would forgive him later, Keith thought as followed Lotor, his hands wrapped around Blade of Marmora controls. When he was alive and in Keith's arms. Because Keith wasn't going to let him do this alone. Yeah, he understood what Lotor was saying, but he couldn't do this. He couldn't sit back and let him die.

Was this how Zarkon had felt? Keith felt his stomach turn a little at the thought. But he knew the thought had some merit. Zarkon had loved Honerva so much he had screwed them both up trying to save her. And now Keith was doing something equally stupid that could put the entire war into jeopardy. They could lose the entire thing if the Galra empire decided to mount a concentrated attack on Voltron for killing Zarkon's witch.

Keith closed his eyes.

He knew he was going to fall for love. He just didn't know how. And now… he was staring it right in the face. But as long as Lotor made it back alive, it would be worth it. There was the chance everything would be okay. That Zarkon would be weakened and they could make it back. Keith could hold Lotor in his arms at the end of the day.

And if he could, Keith would pass the blame on to the Blade of Marmora. That he wasn't a Paladin of Voltron anymore. Maybe that would work. How well known was it that the Blade of Marmora was working with Voltron? He wish he knew.

Lotor was landing. Keith's heart picked up as he followed, trying to find a spot to climb out of his craft so Lotor wouldn't see him but he could enter where Lotor was entering. He managed to find one, but it cut the timing close, the door touching his ass as it closed behind him. Lotor was far ahead of him, and Keith follow him as fast as he could, light on his feet, pulling on all his stealth training from the Blade of Marmora. It was a good thing the Blade of Marmora suit was meant for stealth. His movements turned whisper fine this way, barely audible to Galra ears. Apparently. And sealed up the way he was- he should be invisible to Galra noses as well. Damn it, why had he never tested that against Lotor? But the Blade of Marmora must have known that. Galra seemed to have sensitive noses. They would test that.

Keith never felt a situation more fragile than the one in front of him, nor felt so small and alone as he paused, hiding as Lotor hid. But he had to do this. This had to happen. He… He had to save Lotor's life.

Finally, Lotor entered a door, and Keith slid up next to it before it closed, sticking a hand where he knew the sensor would be to keep it open. Instead of tilting around it to see what was going on, he listened, waiting. If he heard Lotor keep moving, it was a hallway. But-

"Hello, Haggar."

Fuck. Fuck! What was Lotor doing?!

"Lotor." Keith had never heard her voice before, and while he could hear the dying embers of an Altean accent in her voice, the pure evil twisted his stomach. Was this Zarkon's witch? How could Lotor think _anything_ could be brought back from that? "You're quite bold."

"I suppose I am," Lotor said, the words half laughed. "But you know why I'm here, don't you?"

"I do. The betrayal of your little general. Or-" Keith's hand tightened on his knife as she paused. "Would it be your new alliance with Voltron?"

"I don't know what you're speaking of." To Lotor's credit, he sounded sincere.

Keith's gorge rose as Haggar laughed. "Don't think we aren't aware of your actions. It would be obvious even if our spies had not told us everything. The way the rebels fought… it could only be from inside information such as yours."

Lotor fell silent, then, after a moment, started to laugh. "I would have guessed you would know," he said, his voice filling with admiration. "Even twisted as you are, you are still my mother, are you not?"

A quick inhalation met his words.

Silence filled the air for a moment before Keith could hear Lotor's boots take a step forward. "M-mother?"

"Lotor?" Keith found himself tilting around the door at the voice. The word trembled on uncertainty, on the edge of evil and confused.

"Yes, Mother!" Lotor sounded so happy, so… Keith swallowed. Was that Honerva? Called back by Lotor's love for his mother? Lotor's body shifted slightly, and Keith saw a scared Altean woman, skin wrinkled and markings bleeding down her face. Keith's breath caught in his throat at the sight of her, wanting to take her slim body into his arms and bundle her somewhere safe. _That_ was Honerva, that was Lotor's mother, the woman-

Ugly hatred bloomed on her face as purple replaced the brown of her skin and her eyes bled yellow. Before Keith could do more than pivot on his foot, ready to run, Haggar had a hand out, a ball of… something blasting Lotor to one side. Keith's blade grew in his hands as he ran towards Haggar, ready to strike the blow against her. Even if they had seen Honerva, she was buried too deep under Haggar. And she could use that Honerva side of her to gain the trust of the rest of them and wreck them from inside-

Haggar raised a hand, something dark and terrible in it-

And that dark and terrible thing hit his right side as Lotor tackled him.

Pain.

And then-

Sensations. Dragging. Sounds. Touch. His name.

No more movement.

Nothing was right.

Movement.

Darkness.

Nothing.


	25. Chapter 25

Waking up in the cryopod felt like a relief. Keith tipped out of the pod, stumbling until his feet steadied under him. He held his head in his left hand as he looked up, squinting. Did something happen to his eyes that the cryopod couldn't fix? He could see the others around him, but they all looked… both sharper and flatter than before. It gave him a headache looking at them. Something was really off about his vision, and he couldn't exactly put his finger on what it was.

And what was he smelling? God. It just… smelled.

"Hey guys," he said, his voice rasping a little from disuse. "Sorry for scaring you."

Lance smiled, and Keith felt his stomach drop at how forced it looked. "Nah, man, it was nothing. As long as you're okay."

Okay, Lance wasn't needling him. And he was forcing a smile. Keith looked around, seeing Pidge and Hunk tilt their gaze away as Keith met their eyes. Allura didn't look away, but he could tell she wasn't happy. And Shiro-

Wasn't there.

Keith finally turned his gaze to Lotor, seeing the mask solid on his face. "What happened when Haggar hit me?" he asked, worried. He tried to figure out what was wrong with what he was seeing when he looked at Lotor. It was like Lotor was too sharp, too dull, too-

Not purple enough.

He spun, looking at everyone, taking in their colors. Lance's clothes weren't as vibrant. Pidge's hair wasn't as blonde. Allura's dress wasn't as colorful. Keith swallowed, looking down at his hands. One was flesh colored, with clear glossy nails. He took in the pale skin and the faint tan lines where his gloves laid. Then he looked at the other, at his right hand.

Purple. Furry. Black claws.

Keith inhaled sharply, patting his right side. The fur seemed to stop halfway down his ribcage, but his entire arm was covered in fur. It went all the way up his neck, the right half of his face covered in fur. One large fuzzy ear popped up over his head, and Keith could tell by touch how comically large it was. His fingers went to his left side, feeling human skin, human ears, human hair.

"It doesn't look bad," Hunk said, his voice trying to be consoling. "I mean, I knew Galra Keith would look really cool."

"Yeah." Lance was still the only one who could look at him with a smile, no matter how forced it was. "You still look pretty awesome."

Keith felt something horrible burn in the pit of his stomach. Lance was never this nice to him. How he looked… must have been terrible. Lotor cleared his throat, and Keith looked over at him, watching him step forward, forcing everyone to look at him.

"He will have new senses," Lotor said, his voice almost cold. "You are overwhelming them at the moment. Leave us."

Slowly, the others filtered out as Lotor turned to Keith. "I look like a monster," Keith whispered, his voice tight.

"You look Galra," Lotor told him fiercely, cupping his face. "And no matter how human or Galra you look, you are beautiful."

"Hunk and Pidge couldn't look at me! Lance was forcing every smile! Shiro and Coran aren't even here! And-"

"Shiro is speaking with the rebels," Lotor told him. "He is working with Pidge's brother to minimize what has happened. You will see him later. The Alteans are taken aback by what has happened. They will adjust. Your human friends will adjust as well. At least Lance is attempting to make you feel at ease and that you are still the same."

"If he wanted that, he'd be teasing me!" Keith shot back, his voice hot. "Lance isn't nice to me."

"Perhaps now is not the time for that," Lotor reminded him. "Would you want your new appearance made fun of?"

Keith grit his teeth.

"Do not do this." Lotor massaged his jaw. "Your head must already be aching from trying to adjust to two different eyes. Do not put more strain by tightening your muscles."

"I'm angry," Keith told him, glaring. "I just woke up with my right side looking Galra, my team not handling it well, my eyesight and… I don't know what else going crazy, and-" He screwed his eyes tight. "And it's my fault for following you."

Lotor stroked his human cheek with his thumb. "Your actions saved many lives," he told him gently.

"I screwed up the entire mission," Keith said, looking up at him. "You were supposed to go at this alone."

"She knows I am an agent of Voltron, and appears to have known for a while. My actions would have been attributed to the Coalition regardless." Lotor's eyes roamed around his face before he sighed. "I was forced to retreat," he continued. "When I did so, I was told my distraction had been overwhelmed. I told the Castle what had transpired and they assisted in helping all of us escape. If I had been alone, attempting to follow my plan out the way I intended, they would have died as well."

"But Haggar would be dead," Keith whispered.

"Would it be worth it?" Lotor gently ran fingers across Keith's overlarge ear. "Would that body count be worth it?"

"The body count of you wouldn't have been worth it," Keith told him bluntly. "That's why I went. But-" A sound rose in the back of his throat as Lotor stroked through the fluff on his cheek. "I screw everything up."

Lotor cupped Keith's chin, forcing him to look up. "I had already failed. You saved my life." He sighed heavily, tracing the human bones under the Galra fur of Keith's right side. "I thank you for that," he whispered, his voice starting to choke.

Keith watched as Lotor closed his eyes tightly, his heart making his throat tight as he saw a glimpse of the fear Lotor had felt, and the relief he felt now. Lotor gently pulled him into a hug, and Keith closed his eyes, grateful that he could do so. His head was hurting from the duel input, from the Galra eye and the human eye.

And maybe, also, from the fact he was trying to hold back a few tears.

If a few escaped, neither of them said anything.


	26. Chapter 26

Any other time, Keith would be amused how his spoon flew across the table when he tried to grab it. Instead, he grit his teeth, standing up to grasp at it, annoyed as he misjudged his depth perception yet again and the spoon slid onto the floor. He growled a little, his new vocal cords rippling across his throat.

When he had managed to look in the mirror, he realized the Galra split wasn't exactly right down the middle. His entire forehead was purple and furry, as was his nose. The line rolled down in the middle of his mouth and throat, and curled around the edge of his ribcage. His right arm was purple and furry, touch strange as he reached out, feeling the world around him. He didn't know how to explain how things felt now with that hand. The input… was inhuman.

And his depth perception with his new sight…

His eyesight made his head hurt, but the worst was this depth perception. It was like the human eye had a certain depth perception while the Galra eye had a different one. And now Keith stared across the table, seeing the line of food goo from his errant spoon with anger and frustration rising in him.

Another spoon hovered in his vision. "Here ya go, man," Hunk said, his voice kind. "You got it?"

"Yeah." Keith managed to keep the frustration out of his voice as he managed to grab the spoon. He could do this. He would be okay. Just- It was fucking annoying!

Slowly, he looked up at everyone, seeing the rest of the Paladins try to talk to each other without looking at him. Staring. He knew he looked like a freak. The comically large Galra ear twitched, and Keith reached up to stop it from moving.

"Where's Lotor?" Pidge asked, finally looking up. "Isn't he hungry?"

"He said he had something to do," Keith told her, gripping his spoon tightly. Yeah, Lotor had been the most supportive and trying to make him feel loved, but… he was also starting to really be the absent boyfriend. Keith suddenly let the spoon drop from his fingers, no longer hungry. His head was starting to hurt from the duel input anyway. "I'm going back to my room."

Shiro looked up at him. "If you want to spar-" he started before Keith shook his head.

"My head hurts. I'm going to lie down."

"If you are in pain, there are analgesics on board," Coran said, making Keith snort.

"They're for Alteans. I'm not Altean. I'm the furthest thing from Altean you can get. I'm just going to lay down and let my eyes rest for a bit." He knew he sounded bitter, but- It just wasn't happening. He wasn't going to take an untested drug just for a stupid headache.

Damn it. He didn't know what they could do about this. One eye had perfect human vision, 20/20 with perfect color. The other apparently had perfect Galra vision, which was far sharper, tolerated light far worse, and didn't see color as well. He could put a patch over the Galra eye, but- the would just ruin his depth perception more. And he didn't know how they would manage corrective lenses. Which eye would they correct? _What_ would they correct?

Keith rubbed his head.

And where was Lotor?

  


* * *

  


He was _really_ starting to miss having sex with Lotor.

Okay, not like they had actually stuck bits anywhere. They were both quite aware of the consequences and Keith did not want to risk that. Hell, they hadn't actually found out if Keith could actually get pregnant with Lotor. He might have all the abilities and not be able to bear any children with Galra or Altean genes. He didn't know. But they didn't want to take that risk.

That did not mean he didn't miss Lotor's lips on his. Lotor's fingers between his legs. He missed Lotor's hand stroking his cock, Lotor's fingers between his wet folds. He missed wrapping lips around Lotor's cock, the surprise of how many times he would be bringing Lotor to orgasm this time.

He really missed it.

Because Lotor had been avoiding him.

Keith kicked a bot across the training room, finishing it off in a rush of anger. He knew he looked like a fucking freak and that Lotor had just been trying to calm him down. Being avoided like this- Lotor just needed to tell him the truth. That would have made him feel better. Not this "white lie" bullshit. That was fucked up. Telling him all those nice things and then doing this… fuck it. Next time he saw Lotor, he was going to punch his perfect face.

Something told him his emotions were running too wild. They were too hot. But he didn't care. Lotor was hurting him worse by doing this shit. He didn't want this. Lotor should have just told him he was hideous instead of trying to save his feelings and then quietly dumping him off to one side.

Keith stomped out of the training room, intent on going back to his room and washing up. His head didn't hurt as much today. Maybe it was getting used to his new eyesight? Whatever.

But… on his way, he stopped, his feet turning towards the library. He hadn't looked here. There really couldn't be a reason for Lotor to be in the library anyway. Why would he be? He had given up all reason to bring back Honerva, and he had seen what she had become. So why would he be at the library, researching quintessence?

Carefully, Keith tilted his head in, looking.

His heart seized as he saw Lotor sleeping, his hand on a book, notes scattered around him.

Research.

He hadn't given up on Honerva at all.

Keith started to take one step in, pausing when Lotor stirred. He swallowed when Lotor opened his eyes, looking up at Keith. A small smile played over his lips. "Little one," he said, his voice rough with sleep. "I suppose I was caught up in my work. I will be there shortly. Let me clean up first."

"Of course," Keith managed to choke out, watching Lotor clean up his work. How could he be so blasé about the whole thing? He was still researching quintessence!

"Little one?" Lotor looked up at him, his brow furrowed.

"Honerva's dead, Lotor," he managed to get out. "Why are you still researching quintessence?"

Lotor sighed, looking at his notes. "Because what she hit you with is quintessence," he said softly. "And if I can discern the properties of it, I may be able to trigger a transformation in one direction or the other."


	27. Chapter 27

Shiro took a deep breath, staring at Lotor. "After what happened before, do you really think we're just going to believe everything's going to be fine with you researching quintessence again?"

"I understand your hesitance," Lotor told him, his back straight as he spoke. "However, his new appearance is causing him distress and I have caught him reacting in pain to his new senses. While I wonder if it is the new senses being too strong too fast, I rather think it's the fact his senses are split between old and new, and his mind is struggling to make sense of it." He looked over at Keith, smiling and nodding. "I wish to help you by resolving that split."

"Humans are adaptable," Shiro started, and Keith clenched his fists.

"Don't talk for me," he snapped out.

"Keith…"

He looked down at his hands, at how his glove barely fit over the fur on his right hand now. Shiro was saying he could adapt to this. Looking like this, not being able to see things one way or the other, one side of his body feeling things human, the other feeling it Galra… Could he do that? The answer was yes, of course he could. He had adapted to other things. He was in space! But… he looked over at Lotor. There was a chance he could stop having to be torn between the two. Lotor could turn him back to human with a little quintessence research.

Or he could turn him completely Galra. Completely furry, with two oversized furry ears and wide yellow eyes. Keith curled his Galra hand into a fist, feeling the claws prick slightly into his skin. That could be his new reality. Completely Galra.

"Let Lotor research," Keith said, his voice steady as he looked back up. "We know what he's doing now. We can keep track of him."

Shiro's face turned stern, but he didn't argue. "Fine," he said instead. "Do you have any leads?"

"It seems my previous research does have some merit," Lotor told him smoothly. "I would simply need to change which course I'm taking it. It would be a simple switch."

After a moment, Shiro sighed, nodding. "As long as it doesn't interfere with your help in defeating Zarkon," he told Lotor. "And the first time you start showing the same kind of obsession that you showed last time, you're pulled off the project. Do you understand?"

"Fully."

Keith couldn't tell, but he was almost certain there was a note of humiliation in Lotor's voice at that. If there was, Shiro didn't hear it. Then again, Lotor had been holding a pretty good mask up between him and the rest of them the entire time he had been there. And… Keith suddenly realized that no one would have a good reason to trust Lotor because of that. Lotor had been keeping walls between everyone and himself… except between him and Keith. At first because of how the two of them had been the only ones with Galra blood… and now because of the fact they shared feelings for each other.

Lotor was holding himself away from the group on purpose. Like he knew he didn't belong there.

Was Keith going to do the same now that he didn't look human? He already knew the others had started to treat him differently. Was he going to drift away completely now?

He snapped out of his thoughts as Lotor touched his shoulder. "Are you doing well?" Lotor asked, his voice pitched low.

Keith looked over, mildly surprised Shiro had left. He must really not have been paying attention. "Yeah," he said, equally quiet. "Just lost in my thoughts."

Lotor took his right hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing the furry fingers gently. "Do you fear the possibilities?" he asked gently.

Keith raised his hand as Lotor cupped his face, covering the long fingers with his own human ones. "I just realized I could be a Paladin again," he told him. "That Red didn't reject me even though Lance is flying her now. If I look completely Galra- can I even be a Paladin? Not that the others will reject me, but the Coalition. The people we're trying to get to join the Coalition. Them seeing a Galra Paladin, that would-" He screwed his eyes tightly shut.

"Would it be so terrible to join the Blade of Marmora instead?" Lotor asked, his voice curious.

"They pretty much end everything with 'or death,'" he told Lotor, a watery chuckle at the end of his words. "Now that I think about it, that's pretty Galra of them. Like, all the Galra on Zarkon's side seem to be the same. Victory or death."

"You are not wrong," Lotor murmured.

Keith tightened his hand on Lotor's. "And this is humiliating to you, isn't it."

A sharp inhale told him this hit some sort of mark. "Little one," Lotor told him fiercely. "Never think-"

"You're being put under close watch to make sure you don't do something stupid again just for me." Keith looked up at him, challenging him. "And you're a prince. Or, were a prince."

"I am used to being under close scrutiny," Lotor assured him. "My entire time as Emperor Pro Tem, I was watched closely by Haggar, and challenged every step of the way. This is nothing new to me. I will be fine, little one." He leaned in, kissing him. "The question is," he murmured against Keith's lips, "do you want this?"

Keith closed his eyes.

"I don't want to look like a freak," he whispered. "Like this split between worlds."

"Many half Galra I know take on several features from both their heritages," Lotor told him. "But I understand how you feel." He smiled bitterly as Keith met his eyes. "My features are Altean, little one. But much else of me is Galra. Growing up in Galra culture, including what it became, well, I am aware I was sheltered quite a bit of the bigotry due to being the prince. That did not mean I did not experience any side whispers of the half breed freak or spits in my face for not being a pure blooded heir. I understand wanting to look one side or the other, and not a split between worlds." Lotor stroked his face. "You are lovely, no matter what path you take," he told him gently. "Do not allow any harsh words to tell you otherwise."

"I want to look human again." The words spilled from his lips, unbidden. "I want to look like myself."

"Then I will try." Lotor kissed him. "My beautiful Keith."


	28. Chapter 28

Keith bit back a hiss of pain as Lotor drew blood. He didn't know if that was actually needed, but since Lotor was working directly with someone and not just with the theory of quintessence, he figured that he needed something to base it in. Something to say yes, this is Keith's quintessence, not just random quintessence he pulled out of the air.

Or maybe he was getting a baseline of what the quintessence had done to him, a more in-depth view than the Altean equipment could do with a simple scan. Either way, Keith kept his gaze straight ahead until Lotor pulled the needle free, spreading a gel over the surface to help the flesh knit together immediately. Needles were not his favorite thing in the world, thank you very much. "Anything else?"

"Not at the moment, but it would be best if you remain," Lotor told him, his voice already distracted as he took the blood sample to another machine that Keith had no idea what it did. There were a lot of things Keith had no idea about. And it made him uneasy. Lotor knew about them, probably because of his mother and his own research into bringing her back, but… what if something went wrong and Lotor didn't see it right away? Or… what if Lotor was doing something that would lead to something bad and Keith didn't see it until it was too late?

He had to put faith in Lotor. It was just… he hated not trusting his boyfriend for something like this. In battle? Yeah, he trusted Lotor to have his back. But he didn't know if he trusted Lotor to not get consumed with his research again.

Keith sat down on a cushion, watching Lotor. Waiting. Eventually, he stretched, bored, feeling his bones pop as he did so.

"You may lay down if you wish," Lotor told him, his voice distant as he pushed a few buttons.

"Maybe you can tell me what you're doing?" Keith suggested.

"I am testing the bond of your quintessence to the genetics of your body. Right now, all I know is she used quintessence against you, and your body reacted poorly to the blast. I'm testing how your body is reacting to your own quintessence now and why it has changed your body."

"What have you figured out?"

"Little one." Lotor's voice turned curt. "I'm trying to concentrate. Please stop talking."

He really didn't like hearing that from Lotor. Not after what happened last time. But at the same time, he had seen how Pidge got when she needed to concentrate. Even Matt wasn't allowed to interrupt her. Didn't make it less alarming. Keith remained sitting, watching Lotor. Waiting.

After Keith's butt had gone comfortably numb, Lotor growled and slammed his hand against the machine, cursing. Keith stood suddenly, his body on alert, smoothly sliding his feet ready to defend or attack if need be. But instead, Lotor only slumped, pushing back his hair with one hand. "How did my mother do this?" he whispered, his voice agonized. "Her books made it look so easy."

"Maybe because she went crazy trying to figure it out?" Keith said, regretting the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

Thankfully, Lotor only chuckled. "And the witch was born from her madness," he mused. "I had been denying her madness all this time, but to see it like that, and to see her attack you with little other thought… I cannot deny she is not the mother I remembered." His face grew still, sad at the words. "A madness that her son may soon fall into as well, for a different, if not similarly selfish reason."

"Lotor…?"

"Your happiness makes me happy," he told him. "It is not selfless of me to help you. It gives me joy at the idea of you being at ease with yourself and who you are. While I do this to help you… I also do this to bring myself joy."

Keith fell silent at that. He couldn't deny he would feel the same. It would feel so good to help Lotor achieve his dreams. But that way lay madness, for both of them.

"So I've pretty much become what you wanted to do with your mother, just under a different name," he said, swallowing as Lotor glared at him.

Then Lotor sighed, burying his face in his hands. "You look so miserable," he whispered. "And I cannot watch you train any longer. Not with how you cannot focus your eyes."

"I want to be human again," Keith admitted. "But not if-" He took a deep breath. "If you go the route of your mother, we're going to have to kill you. And that might mean I have to kill you. And I don't want to do that. I- don't think I _can_ do that anymore."

"If that-" Lotor started before Keith shook his head.

"Lotor. What would you do if suddenly I turned evil?"

He fell quiet. "Loyalty is in Galra blood," he finally said. "My father proved that point, and the Galra people show it every day. Even the Blade of Marmora show it, in their blind loyalty to their own cause, to the point of their own death. I would remain loyal to you until we both fall, taking the entire universe with us as we went."

Keith inhaled slowly, nodding. "Yeah."

Lotor cupped his right cheek, thumb brushing through his fur. "We would destroy the universe," he said, his voice thoughtful. "Our love."

"We would," Keith whispered back, his heart constricting.

He could see the words on Lotor's face. The wonder if this universe was worth Keith. If he could stop his research to save the universe at the expense of them, or if he would damn them all for love.

And the wonder if he would ever have an answer to that question.

Keith didn't know either.

His blade burned at his side, telling him to end it right now. There was a chance Lotor would let them fall and take the universe with them. That everything they had worked for would be destroyed in an act of love.

Instead, Keith leaned up and kissed Lotor, his arms winding around his neck to pull him down as he let himself be damned.


	29. Chapter 29

The blade spun in his hands as Keith battled an unseen opponent. Someone had to be with Lotor at all times thanks to the Daibazaal stunt, but that didn't mean Keith had to be _bored_ the entire time. And so far, Lotor didn't seem like he minded Keith practicing in the room with him. Keith looked over at Lotor as he came to a stop, watching his fingers fly over the controls to another machine.

Was this how Honerva had started? Certain she could do something great with quintessence and then reached for too much?

"That's it," Lotor breathed suddenly. "But it would require so much quintessence… we would need to steal some from the Galra empire or find-" He broke off, holding a fist to his forehead.

"Lotor?" Keith came towards him.

"I have found the link," Lotor told him. "My mother's research into Kova's extended life was the key. She did experiments on how quintessence worked with Kova's body. With this knowledge, I can apply it to what I know of what happened to you. However, you are much larger than a cat." He closed his eyes. "The experiments needed to test your response to quintessence would require so much of it…"

"So what can I do to get it?"

Lotor didn't answer.

Keith swallowed. "You're not-"

"The rift has so much concentrated quintessence, little one. If I could-"

"No." Keith glared up at him. "Remember what your father did?"

"I am not my father!" The words rang through the air, emotion trembling in each sound. "How dare you say such things to me."

"You're going to go into the rift for me! That killed your parents, Lotor. That turned your father into the asshole we're trying to kill now." Keith swallowed hard. "You're either going to become like your mother, like Haggar, or like Zarkon."

Lotor growled, his hands flexing at his sides.

"This is going to kill us. Voltron's going to fucking kill us over this. We can find another way, Lotor. The Blade of Marmora can steal some quintessence. They're good at that kind of thing."

"It will not be enough," Lotor said curtly. "While you are… for a Galra, quite tiny, you are much larger than any quintessence the Blade of Marmora can acquire. You require-" Lotor cut off, turning back to the machine. "I will need to do more research to see how much quintessence I will require in my tests."

Keith stared at him for a moment.

The rift.

The rift was where it all began. None of this would have even started if the comet had not slammed into Daibazaal. From what Lotor told him, everything was going fine with the Galra up until that point. If the comet hadn't come- if Honerva hadn't been put on the team to research it- if Zarkon had never met Honerva-

Keith raised a hand, brushing the fur on the right side of his face.

He was starting to get used to it. Sparring helped him figure out his depth perception. Strangely, the Galra eye helped more in lower light to help him see things he couldn't see in brighter light. Maybe that was why Galra ships were always so dark? It still sickened him to look down and see one hand human, the other clawed, and to have to spend time after each shower to blow dry his fur, but-

The rift.

If they opened the rift, what would come out?

… was Lotor actually corrupted by those things already and they didn't know about it? Was that why he wanted to open the rift no matter what? Why would he give any reason to open it?

Keith looked up at Lotor, watching him work at his machine.

Then, slowly, he walked over to Lotor and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pressing his lips to his back. He could feel Lotor's back stiffen, his entire body tense. Maybe it was because Keith touched him without him knowing.

Maybe it was Keith's fully awakened blade, the tip prickling at his back, threatening to push through and out his stomach.

They stood like that, Keith's lips against Lotor's back as his sword arm trembled. His muscles tensed, ready. Do what's right.

Do what he needed to do.

Save the universe.

Be a Paladin of Voltron.

And Lotor waited in his loose grasp.

Keith yanked his arm backwards, tossing the blade against the wall.

Lotor stood there for a moment, too still. Then-

With a growl Keith had never heard before, not from Lotor, not from any Galra he knew, Lotor slammed claws into the machine's display. He battered the machine over and over, ruining it for any future use. Keith took a step back as Lotor grabbed the samples inside, tossing them to the floor and stomping on them. Blood ran across the floor as Lotor ripped a panel out, reaching in to yank wires out, severing their connections. Without stopping, he turned to Keith and cupped his face, bending down to rain desperate kisses on his face.

"I saw my death," Lotor gasped against Keith's lips. "I saw my death in your hands and I knew I was wrong. I knew- I knew I had wronged you. I had hurt you with my obsession, my insanity. The rift will remained sealed. I will abandon my research. All it does is hurt you, my beautiful Keith."

Keith wrapped his arms around Lotor's neck, his breath shaking as Lotor kissed him. "You-"

"You are my life," Lotor whispered. "You gave me a second chance when others would not have. You allowed me freedom others would not have. You… you held my heart in your hands and did not shred it. My little one, my Keith… we could have destroyed the universe and as long as it was by your side I would not care. All I ever wish is to make you happy. You gave me more than I could ever hope for in this war, and I will repay it by abandoning what is hurting you. The rift will remain closed."

Keith looked up into Lotor's eyes, and started to laugh, nameless emotion changed into laughter. Lotor frowned for a moment, then pressed his forehead into Keith's and started to laugh as well, arms moving to his torso to hold him tightly.

At some point, they ended up on the cushion. Keith didn't remember when that happened. But that didn't matter as he looked up at Lotor, still laughing a little at the strange emotion bubbling inside him.

It would be something they would always have to watch out for… the call would probably always reach out to Lotor. The allure of research. Of quintessence. Of knowing more, of possibly giving Keith the body he remembered, desired. Of even possibly having that hope of erasing Haggar completely and bringing back the Honerva he remembered. Even now, he could see the obsession lying dormant in Lotor's eyes, flickering when he looked over at the ruined machine. But-

Keith laced his Galra fingers with Lotor's.

He knew they'd always do the right thing.


	30. Chapter 30

_Several years later…_

"Okay, the course is set up." Lance came jogging back to Keith and Lotor. "You guys sure you want to do this? I mean, you kind of destroyed a wing of the Castleship the last time you raced."

"Lotor says I'm slowing down." Keith finished tying his hair back, smirking at Lotor. "Gotta prove him wrong."

"I merely noticed you would have blocked that blow before," Lotor said easily, his braid slithering behind him. "I did not mean any insult."

But Keith saw the answering smirk, and knew. Even if Lotor didn't mean to insult him, he wanted this too. Ever since they had taken down Zarkon and Haggar, there had been less of a call for both of them. Keith had been unable to completely adapt to his new senses, and his first and last mission after the transformation with the Blade of Marmora… he had been lucky to come back alive and in one piece. So they both stayed behind and to be frank… they were _bored._ Keith had an outlet in occasionally piloting Red, but even then, given his inability to completely adapt, that had been given over to Lance. There was just nothing left for them to _do_.

So dumb things like obstacle racing happened.

Keith made his way to the starting line, sliding into position. Lotor did the same, and they waited, tense.

"Go!"

Lance's voice rang through the air as the two of them sprang from their positions, sprinting down the halls. The first obstacle came up fairly quickly, and Lotor leapt over the wires with ease, not even tripping one. Keith gauged how low they came down and slid under instead, gritting his teeth as he tripped the last one. A net dropped, and Keith just barely rolled out of the way fast enough to not be caught under the weighted trap. He stood and continued running, narrowing his eyes at the lead Lotor had. Then Keith smirked, swerving to trip another wire on purpose.

He laughed as Lotor started cursing, his legs suddenly tangled up in webbing. Keith couldn't leap over the wide expense normally, but- he jumped, using the wall to gain more height and land on Lotor's shoulder, intent on using him to springboard over the webbing.

Which was when Lotor grabbed his ankle, yanking him down.

The two of them crashed onto the ground, breaking the webbing under their combined weight. Keith rolled over, groaning a little in pain, and looked down at Lotor as the both of them tried to catch their breath.

Lotor's hands dug into his hair as Keith kissed him, locks falling out of his ponytail between Lotor's fingers. Keith grasped Lotor's face, mindful of his claws as he rolled his hips into Lotor, blood still running hot in his veins as-

"Pay up."

Keith broke the kiss to see Lance handing Pidge money, grumbling the entire time. "I hate it when you two gamble on our love life," he informed them.

"Just a friendly wager on if you two would be too horny to finish the race," Pidge said easily, brushing her hair out of her face. "I'm going to let Hunk know he can deactivate the rest of the traps."

"A very good idea," Lotor informed her as they both stood. "And since you did interrupt a very important moment, we shall be taking this elsewhere."

Pidge waved as they left. "Have fun!"

"Do I have to clean this up?" Keith heard Lance ask Pidge before they got too far away, his voice doubtful.

When they finally reached their room, Lotor took no time in stripping off Keith's shirt, hands flush against the human skin and Galra fur. He bent down to nip at Keith's neck, chuckling. "All this time," Lotor whispered. "And you have not grown a single bit."

"Unless I'm due a Galra growth spurt at some point, I'm pretty much done growing," Keith whispered back, tilting his head to give Lotor more access.

"I would hope you are done." Lotor nibbled his ear. "You are perfect at this height." As if to illustrate his point, he reached down and lifted Keith, holding him by his thighs. Keith immediately wrapped his legs around Lotor, leaning in to kiss him.

He didn't know if Galra also had insane strength, or if Lotor had his mother's Altean strength, but holding Keith like that never bothered him. That just made Keith's heart pound faster, his cock hardening in his pants as he grew wet. Lotor turned to walk him to the bed, never breaking the kiss or moving as if holding Keith strained him. He eased Keith onto their bed, breaking the kiss to look down at him, a strange look on his face.

"What?" Keith asked, resisting the urge to touch the right side of his face.

"How did I gain a lover such as you?" Lotor murmured. "How did I come to deserve someone like you?"

"Through lots of hard work," Keith reminded him. Research had always haunted Lotor, but… "And doing the right thing."

Lotor smiled at that, tinged slightly with sorrow. "What could have been was not worth what would have incurred," he whispered, stroking Keith's face.

Keith caught his hand, inhaling deeply. What could have been and would have incurred… "Lotor…"

Blinking, Lotor sat back, letting Keith up. "What is it, my little one?"

"We both know… Coran tested me." Keith took a deep breath. "And we both know I can, yeah. Bear children."

"The Galra-" Lotor started before Keith shook his head.

"No time's going to be a good time to have a child. There's always going to be a chance our child is going to be the subject of some plot or another. But…" Keith looked up at him. "After all this time, we're at some sort of peace. Voltron hasn't been in any sort of real battle against the Galra in over a phoeb. Now's a good time to try. I mean- I want children. If you-"

"I want to see our children born," Lotor breathed. "Grow into lovely adults, and strike out on their own. I want to have as many children with you as you can possibly bear."

Keith laughed. "Let's start with one. I grew up in an orphanage with little babies all around me. They're a little hard to handle sometimes."

Lotor's face fell a little at the reminder of Keith's childhood. He placed a hand on Keith's stomach, looking at him. "Our child will be wanted," he said fiercely.

Keith nodded.

Lotor pressed him into the bed, lips on his again. This time, Lotor's hands went to his pants, pulling them off quickly, growling as they got stuck on his shoes. Keith helped, and kicked off his shoes as well. Lotor pulled back to quickly pull off his own shirt and pants, and Keith reached out, touching his skin. A stray scar here and there… he couldn't be more beautiful if he tried. Keith smiled, looking up at Lotor as he ran his fingers across Lotor's skin.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you as well, my beautiful Keith."

Lotor's fingers dipped to toy with Keith's slick hole, slipping in and twisting to make him cry out. But this time, when he pulled his fingers out, he settled himself between Keith's legs, head of his cock against his hole. He met Keith's gaze, and slowly pushed in. Keith let out his breath at the uncomfortable fullness, trying to force himself to relax as he did so. With each exhalation, he tried to force himself to relax. Lotor paused, stroking Keith's fur. "Is this too much?"

"I've never had anything bigger in there than a finger," Keith explained. "It's not used to that. I'll be fine."

Lotor frowned. "I can still bring you to climax with my mouth and fingers-"

"Lotor! Fuck me already."

Chuckling, Lotor continued to press in until he bottomed out. Keith exhaled hard, not able to deny even the pain and stretch was pleasurable in its own right. Lotor gave him a few breaths before starting to move, and Keith whimpered a little at the sudden burst inside him at the feeling. It was still painful, but Lotor's cock rubbed up against something inside him with each thrust that met that pain. His own cock bounced between them, hard and leaking. Keith grabbed onto Lotor's arms, the pleasure slowly overcoming the pain until Lotor stiffened, spilling into him.

Damn it.

Keith looked up at him, waiting. Was this a time Lotor only came once, or would there be multiple rounds? He waited, and slowly, Lotor smirked down at him.

And started thrusting again, still hard.

Keith tossed his head back, gasping. It felt so good. Now that he was used to the stretch and burn, it felt _so good._ He could feel something curling inside him, Lotor hitting something inside him that felt better and better and-

Again. Lotor filled him up.

But it wasn't over, and soon Keith's claws dug into Lotor's shoulders as he climaxed, clenching around Lotor's cock.

And Lotor only smirked, still driving into him until he spilled into him again.

This time, he reached down, stroking Keith to his own second orgasm, semen spilling over Lotor's hand. Lotor looked down at the mess on his hand, then the mess Keith could feel seeping out around his cock onto the bed, and smiled.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning down to kiss Keith.

"I love you too," Keith whispered against his lips. Then-

"And I would have won that race."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am always so overwhelmed when I finish a story. The support I've gotten warms my heart so much. All of you are amazing and I love you all. Thank you so much!
> 
> Also! I did some art and while my skills do not lie in digital art, I'm pretty proud of what I did draw! [Keith after being blasted by Haggar's quintessence.](https://vagrantbreath.tumblr.com/post/167776771357/what-happens-when-you-leave-me-alone-with) Give it a look. Like I said, I'm pretty proud of it.


End file.
